


If This Cat Could Talk

by ellipsisthegreat



Category: Kingdom Hearts
Genre: Angst, M/M, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2008-02-23
Updated: 2008-02-22
Packaged: 2017-10-25 15:12:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 18
Words: 38,411
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/271709
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ellipsisthegreat/pseuds/ellipsisthegreat
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Axel's therapist suggests that he get a cat to help him get over an accident involving his little brother's best friend. It doesn't take him long to realize that strange things are afoot, however…</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Prologue

Sora Arsalan was my little brother's friend. His best friend, y'know? The kind of friend where if one of 'em had a single piece of gum and the other didn't, they'd rip that piece of gum out of their mouth and share half of it with the other. That kind of friend. The best kind.

People tell me that's why I took everything so hard, but that isn't it. I think they know that—I _know_ that fucking know it—but are just trying to make me feel better about it.

I wish they would just fucking stop and tell me the truth that everyone knows—

It was my fault.

PAGEBREAKPAGEBREAKPAGEBREAK

New Years Day, 1998. A day that will live in infamy in Twilight Town.

Riku, my little brother, calls it the day the sun went out.

I can't blame him. He and Sora have always been friends. I was pretty close to them myself, for all that I was three years older than Riku and four years older than Sora. I probably wouldn't have shared gum with either of them, but that's just because I'm a selfish bastard and always have been. Nothing against them.

But I was always there for them, and Sora was always there for us.

When our mom died in childbirth with a premature sister who never stood a chance, Sora was there. He cried with us, he went through pictures with us, and he helped us make sure our dad didn't drink himself to death.

For a while, he was the only one who believed that last bit was possible.

When Dad finally got out of the 12-step program, he tried to be a good dad. And even though he's never gone back to the man he was before Mom died, he's done a pretty good job.

But that only has a little to do with what I did to Sora.

I was just about to turn sixteen (my birthday is January the eighth), and the boys were twelve and thirteen. It was just after midnight on New Year's Eve—which made it New Year's Day, like I said earlier—and we had always had a tradition of having a New Year's party at our house, save the one year after our mom died. Sora's parents were usually there, but had had to go out of town for some reason or another, so Sora was going to spend the night.

This is where things get bad.

I brought up something that I felt the two of them should talk about. I had figured it out that my dear baby brother is gay (he's sickeningly obvious about it sometimes, especially when it comes to Sora), and kept telling him to tell Sora, but he refused. I had known for a few weeks, and he had known since just before summer.

There was a huge fight—not so much about Sora freaking out about his best friend being gay. It was more like he was upset that he hadn't been told sooner.

Once they'd screamed themselves hoarse, I suggested that I drive Sora around for a while so he could cool off. I couldn't let him go off on his own (he's way too cute and we don't live in the best neighborhood), but I also wanted to talk to him. And no, I didn't have my license yet. That was all my teenage arrogance or overeager-ness or something along those lines. As for why I wanted to talk to him…well, _someone's_ gotta get these kids to wake up and realize they like each other as more than friends. I was trying to be a good older brother.

Instead, I practically killed Sora.

Matchmaking or not—teenager or not—no one but _no one_ goes driving New Years morning. No one except crack heads or drunkards. We ran into the latter.

Well, more like he ran into us.

That bastard of a drunk died. I came out without a scratch, Sora ended up in the hospital.

He's been asleep ever since. I haven't driven ever since. Riku's hardly looked at me ever since.

Welcome to my life, January of 2008.


	2. Prologue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  _**If This Cat Could Talk…** _

Sora Arsalan was my little brother's friend. His best friend, y'know? The kind of friend where if one of 'em had a single piece of gum and the other didn't, they'd rip that piece of gum out of their mouth and share half of it with the other. That kind of friend. The best kind.

People tell me that's why I took everything so hard, but that isn't it. I think they know that—I _know_ that fucking know it—but are just trying to make me feel better about it.

I wish they would just fucking stop and tell me the truth that everyone knows—

It was my fault.

PAGEBREAKPAGEBREAKPAGEBREAK

New Years Day, 1998. A day that will live in infamy in Twilight Town.

Riku, my little brother, calls it the day the sun went out.

I can't blame him. He and Sora have always been friends. I was pretty close to them myself, for all that I was three years older than Riku and four years older than Sora. I probably wouldn't have shared gum with either of them, but that's just because I'm a selfish bastard and always have been. Nothing against them.

But I was always there for them, and Sora was always there for us.

When our mom died in childbirth with a premature sister who never stood a chance, Sora was there. He cried with us, he went through pictures with us, and he helped us make sure our dad didn't drink himself to death.

For a while, he was the only one who believed that last bit was possible.

When Dad finally got out of the 12-step program, he tried to be a good dad. And even though he's never gone back to the man he was before Mom died, he's done a pretty good job.

But that only has a little to do with what I did to Sora.

I was just about to turn sixteen (my birthday is January the eighth), and the boys were twelve and thirteen. It was just after midnight on New Year's Eve—which made it New Year's Day, like I said earlier—and we had always had a tradition of having a New Year's party at our house, save the one year after our mom died. Sora's parents were usually there, but had had to go out of town for some reason or another, so Sora was going to spend the night.

This is where things get bad.

I brought up something that I felt the two of them should talk about. I had figured it out that my dear baby brother is gay (he's sickeningly obvious about it sometimes, especially when it comes to Sora), and kept telling him to tell Sora, but he refused. I had known for a few weeks, and he had known since just before summer.

There was a huge fight—not so much about Sora freaking out about his best friend being gay. It was more like he was upset that he hadn't been told sooner.

Once they'd screamed themselves hoarse, I suggested that I drive Sora around for a while so he could cool off. I couldn't let him go off on his own (he's way too cute and we don't live in the best neighborhood), but I also wanted to talk to him. And no, I didn't have my license yet. That was all my teenage arrogance or overeager-ness or something along those lines. As for why I wanted to talk to him…well, _someone's_ gotta get these kids to wake up and realize they like each other as more than friends. I was trying to be a good older brother.

Instead, I practically killed Sora.

Matchmaking or not—teenager or not—no one but _no one_ goes driving New Years morning. No one except crack heads or drunkards. We ran into the latter.

Well, more like he ran into us.

That bastard of a drunk died. I came out without a scratch, Sora ended up in the hospital.

He's been asleep ever since. I haven't driven ever since. Riku's hardly looked at me ever since.

Welcome to my life, January of 2008.


	3. Cricket and Roxas

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  _**If This Cat Could Talk…** _

_  
**If This Cat Could Talk…**   
_

**By** : Ellipsis the Great

 **DISCLAIMER:** Kingdom Hearts and everything affiliated with it belongs to SquareEnix and Disney. All I own is the plot…

 **Summary:** Axel's therapist suggests that he get a cat to help him get over an accident involving his little brother's best friend. It doesn't take him long to realize that strange things are afoot, however…

 **Rated:** T just in case. May change later on.

 **Spoilers:** None that I know of…

 **Warnings:** Definite yaoi on the horizon, a little angst (obviously), and I suppose I should point out that this is AU…

CHAPTER THREE: Cricket and Roxas

The cat in question was a tiny little thing. Its fur, a light golden blonde with streaks of a darker orange color, was standing on end as its back arched to make it look a little bigger than it actually was. It was directing its ire at a huge man with spiked brown hair via a high-pitched growl.

"Calm down, little one." The man said in a surprisingly soothing voice.

"That's the cat?" I asked, arching an eyebrow at Demyx.

"That's the cat." Demyx replied sheepishly, rubbing the back of his neck with a hand.

"Hm?" The man straightened and turned toward them. "Oh! Demyx, you're here."

"Hey, Lexaeus!" Demyx said. "These are my friends, Axel and Riku. Axel wants to get a cat."

"That's good. We've got a lot of them that need a home." Lexaeus said. "But you'd better stay away from this one."

"It's cute." I said with just a hint of my usually saturating sarcasm, joining the bulky man and crouching down. I held out a hand toward the kitten. "Here, little guy. It's okay."

The kitten hissed and swiped at me threateningly.

"It's alright." I said in as gentle a voice as I could muster. It was kind of weird, but I felt some sort of kinship with this outcast kitten. "You're just scared, aren't you? Calm down, buddy."

The kitten grunted out another warning, taking a slow step toward me. It finally worked up enough courage to come even closer, sniffing my outstretched fingers a little before squeaking and skittering away again.

"Come here." I scooted a little closer to it. "I'm not gonna hurt you. Come on."

"Amazing." Lexaeus murmured as the kitten approached me again, still skittish but not nearly as bad as it had been.

Its huge blue eyes gawped up at me, not that I could blame it. I was a giant compared to it.

"Hey, there." I said, gently scooping it up. It trembled as I stood, cradling it to my chest and scratching its head soothingly. "That's not so bad, is it?"

It apparently agreed with me, as it leaned into my hand and began purring. It had a surprisingly loud and gritty purr, like a gravel tumbler. Then it latched onto the edge of my shirt sleeve and began suckling noisily, pawing the palm of my hand contentedly.

"Definitely taken from his mother too young." Lexaeus said, reaching towards the cat.

The kitten looked up at the mammoth of a man before he had even come close to touching it, eyes narrowed as another snarl rose up from its throat.

"Whoa, there, calm down." I said, petting it again. "You're a fiery little brat, aren't you?"

"You should call him Firecracker." Demyx piped up, laughing.

"…Huh?" I loved sounding like an idiot.

"You're keeping him, aren't you?" Demyx asked. "You're the only person he likes so far."

"Oh." I blinked down at the cat, who had gone back to suckling on my sleeve (creating a nice big wet spot, I might add), but was looking up at me again. "I guess so."

The cat's purring intensified.

"He really likes you." Riku said, reaching toward the kitten and receiving as violent a look as had been given to Lexaeus. "Oi! I haven't done anything to you, cat!"

The kitten growled a little and suddenly took off up my arm, curling itself up into the crook of my neck. I had to laugh at that, and did.

"Brat cat." Riku muttered darkly, stuffing his hands in his pockets.

I laughed again. "So, what paperwork do I have to get done?" I asked, looking at Naminé.

"This way!" She said happily, leading me to a stuffy, sloppy office and digging around through the most illogical-looking file cabinet I had ever seen. She somehow managed the find the needed paperwork, handing it to me along with a pen from a coffee mug full of similar writing utensils that had spilled onto the desk.

PAGEBREAKPAGEBREAKPAGEBREAK

"So are you gonna name him Firecracker?" Demyx asked when I had finally filled out all of the necessary paperwork and forked over the twenty dollars required for adoption.

"No." I said.

Even _I_ have never been that cruel—after all, you never call a pet by its full name. _Ever_. And what sort of nicknames do you get out of a name like 'Firecracker'? Fire-cat? Cracker? Crack-cat?

Thanks, but _no_.

"You should call it Brat." Riku said, still a little sore about the earlier death glare.

"I'm not calling him Brat." I said.

"What about Cricket?" Naminé asked. "He's so jumpy…"

"That's a _great_ idea!" Demyx asked, in his 'I've-Decided-This-Is-A-Good-Idea-So-Go-Along-With-Me-Or-Else' voice. When he gets that voice, the 'or else' is completely serious. And scary as all get-out, surprisingly enough.

"Cricket it is, then." I sighed, trying to ignore the way 'Cricket's' claws had begun digging into the skin of my neck (he hadn't moved from his perch at all, and I hadn't bothered moving him). I gave him a soothing pat, swearing to give him a new name as soon as we got home. In public he might be 'Cricket,' but when it was just us he would have a _good_ name.

"Alright, then, let's go." Riku said.

"To Wally World!" Demyx struck a valiant pose, struggling to stifle the smile that threatened to come over his face.

I shoved him gently. Well…not _very_ gently, but gentler than I could have. Either way, he stumbled, waving his arms around in a windmill motion to keep his balance.

"Axel!" He whined, shooting me a sharp glare.

"Wasn't me." I said with a small shrug, and could have sworn I heard a snicker right in my ear. I glanced at 'Cricket,' who peered back at me with an eerily familiar cerulean gaze. I reached up and patted his head, smiling a little when he pushed it against my hand.

"Hmph." Demyx made a face at me, blinking when Cricket spat at him.

Naminé laughed. "Looks like you've got a little protector, Axel."

"Looks like." I said, unable to hide the goofy grin that spread across my face.

I was definitely going to enjoy having a cat.

PAGEBREAKPAGEBREAKPAGEBREAK

"We're home!" Riku and I yelled as we entered the house and set all of our new cat supplies on the floor.

"Yo, boys!" Our father, Reno Scáth, called from the kitchen. "Where you been?"

"Shopping." I called back. "Zexion wanted me to get a pet."

"Right, right." He entered the room, running a hand through his hair, which was the same bright red color as mine. "What did you get?"

"A kitten." I said, nodding at the aforementioned creature, which was still perched on my shoulder. "Demyx insisted I name him Cricket."

Dad rolled his eyes. "That kid and his weird-ass crap…" He muttered, then shook his head. "But whatever. It's fine." He leaned a little closer to get a better look. "He's cute, yo."

"He's a brat." Riku said.

"What makes you say—ow! Hey, watch it!" Dad hissed, jerking his hand away when Cricket swiped his hand. "That little…"

"I told you." Riku smirked.

"If that thing's gonna try to bite me every time it sees me, I'll kill it, yo." Dad said, glaring at both of us.

"Leave my cat alone." I said, putting a protective hand over the cat in question. "He can't help it if he's got good taste in friends!"

"Axel, you're its _only_ friend." Riku said. "It snaps at everyone else."

Dad snorted. "Damn defective cat."

"Dad, Zex said—"

"Save it, yo." Dad held his hand up, cutting me off. "You can keep it or whatever, just make sure it stays out of my face, alright?"

I grinned. "You got it, Pops!"

"And _don't_ call me Pops!" He started to hit me over the head, then glanced at Cricket, made a face, and turned back toward the kitchen. "Dinner should be ready in about half an hour, yo."

"You ordered pizza again?" I asked snidely. Dad liked to act like he could cook, but the reality was that he could burn a salad. In fact, he might have done just that once or twice…

"Can it, you little ingrate." He said, but walked back into the kitchen anyhow.

"You got it, Pops!"

"I _said_ don't call me Pops, yo!" Came the snappy reply. "And if the phone rings, it's probably for me. I'm expecting a call from a friend."

Riku and I exchanged a glance, then snickered. The 'friend' Dad was referring to was Rufus, his boss that we both suspected was in more than just a 'friendly and/or working relationship' with our old man, if you know what I mean.

I guess homosexuality ran in our family.

PAGEBREAKPAGEBREAKPAGEBREAK

That night I had the first of many bizarre dreams involving my new pet.

It began, as they all did, in a pure white room. Cricket sat in the middle, staring forward as if he was waiting for something. I'm still not sure how I saw him, because I was in the corner of the room—if there was a corner—curled up into a ball, shaking and crying and clamping my hands over my ears. Not that any of this did me any good; there was no sound in the room.

Well, mostly there was no sound.

" _Help him."_

The voice was so familiar it made me stop shaking, though nothing else changed. It wasn't until several dreams later that I realized _why_ the voice was familiar to me.

It was my mother's voice.

" _I don't see why I should."_

The second voice wasn't familiar to me at all, and it made me look up. Cricket was still the only other thing in the room, and he hadn't moved.

" _Help him, Roxas. Please."_

Cricket's head tilted to one side.

" _But why? This is all his fault, anyhow."_

Somehow, watching all of this, I got the distinct feeling that the second voice was coming from my cat. It sounds weird, I know, and there were no indications of that. His mouth wasn't moving or anything. I just had a feeling he was the one talking.

" _He needs you."_

" _So? It's not my problem."_

At that statement, I finally moved, reaching toward Cricket.

"Help." I sounded like I'd been crying for hours. I didn't even know what I wanted…no, needed help with; I just knew that I needed it. "Please, Cricket, help me."

" _Please, Roxas."_

Cricket stared at me for a long time, not acknowledging the first voice's plea. Then he began slinking toward me, his image growing fuzzy. I couldn't make out exactly what was going on as it morphed and melded, moving toward me all the while, but whatever it was it didn't frighten me like you'd think. In fact, I moved closer, curious.

What did frighten me, though, was when the image cleared again. I jumped back, staring dumbly at the young boy giving me a tight-lipped glare. His impossibly blue eyes pinned me in place, and they, coupled with his windswept blonde hair, made it impossible to mistake him for anyone other than the cat that he had replaced.

" _I don't know why, but I'll see what I can do for you."_ The boy said, offering me a hand.

I took it, my eyes never leaving his face, and then I blushed as he smirked at me.

" _By the way, Axel…"_ He said, pulling me up. _"My name is Roxas."_

And then I woke up.

ENDCHAPTERTHREE


	4. Wakeup Call

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  _**If This Cat Could Talk…** _

I didn't wake up suddenly the next morning like you would think after such a weird dream

 _  
**If This Cat Could Talk…**   
_

**By** : Ellipsis the Great

 **DISCLAIMER:** Kingdom Hearts and everything affiliated with it belongs to SquareEnix and Disney. All I own is the plot…

 **Summary:** Axel's therapist suggests that he get a cat to help him get over an accident involving his little brother's best friend. It doesn't take him long to realize that strange things are afoot, however…

 **Rated:** T just in case. May change later on.

 **Spoilers:** None that I know of…

 **Warnings:** Definite yaoi on the horizon, a little angst (obviously), and I suppose I should point out that this is AU…

CHAPTER FOUR: Wakeup Call

I didn't wake up suddenly the next day like you would think after such a weird dream. Instead, I started out in that strange state of mind where everything is dark, and while you're vaguely aware that you aren't asleep, you haven't quite realized that you're awake just yet.

Unfortunately, I wasn't to stay in that halfway state for long.

"You damned cat, I just want to wake him up!" My dad's superbly pissed voice said.

There was a distinct hiss from my chest area, and I jerked awake as Cricket's claws dug into my skin.

"Holy _fuck_!" I cursed as Cricket vaulted off of me with a parting hiss and took refuge under my bed. "The hell, Pops?"

"You slept through your alarm, dumb ass! It's noon already!" He snapped back at me. "And when I came to try and wake you up, that…that _demon cat_ started hissing at me!"

"Leave Cricket alone, old man." I said, immediately on the defensive. "It's his first night…er, day here, remember? Jesus…wait, I slept through my alarm?"

"Yeah. I didn't realize it until Riku started bitching about being late to class."

Riku took classes at Destiny University. DU was in Hollow Bastion, which was the biggest city near Twilight Town—a good half an hour away, but that's what he got for wanting a good education. He was getting a degree in medicine, and wanted to specialize in brain damage…three guesses as to why that is, and the first two don't count. It was my job in the mornings to wake him up before I left for work—no alarm clock woke him up as well as I did, and I also didn't break as easily when he tried to (or actually did) punch me.

"Ah, shit—why didn't _he_ wake me up?" I said, practically leaping out of bed and rummaging through my things for some decent clothes to wear.

"He said that monster of yours attacked him." Pops said, jerking a thumb at my bed to indicate Cricket. "And I already took him, so calm down."

"I have work!" I said. I worked at a garage with an old friend of the family's. "Cid will _kill_ —"

"I called you in sick." He cut me off, watching apathetically as I froze halfway through pulling on a pair of not-disgustingly-dirty pants.

"I'm not sick." I said, stopping my mad scramble for clothes and plopping back down on my bed.

"You haven't slept that deep since Sora got put in the hospital." He said rather somberly, a strange expression on his face. "Usually I hear you raiding the kitchen halfway through the night because you've had a nightmare. I didn't…I didn't want to ruin that, yo."

It was one of his rare moments of total fatherhood, as opposed to his usual grouchy, buddy-buddy…ness. He looked kind of embarrassed about it, too.

He cleared his throat awkwardly. "But it's twelve now, like I said, so I got kind of worried. You sure you're not sick?"

"I'm fine." Actually, I felt more rested and at ease than I had in years, cliché as that sounds.

"Okay." He said dubiously. "Well, Rufus is here, and he brought Smoosh-Cat to celebrate you getting that little freak."

"That's not funny." I said, giving him an un-amused look. "And quit talking about my cat like that, Pops."

"Don't call me Pops, yo." He retorted as he left.

"Yeah, yeah." I muttered, shoving the pants off and taking a more leisurely pace for gathering up some actually, _totally_ clean clothes from my closet and dresser. I stripped off my boxers and pulled a new pair on, quickly followed by a tight black shirt and a pair of slightly baggy old jeans with holes in both knees and a trail of torn up jean hanging from the bottoms. I yawned and stretched, laying down on my floor and peering under the bed. "Cricket?"

I spotted him on the farthest side from me and sighed. "Cricket, come here, you stupid cat. Come on, Cricket." I said as gently as I could manage. His tail twitched, but otherwise he didn't move, and after calling to him for a few more moments my mind reminded me of my dream.

" _By the way, Axel…my name is Roxas."_

"Roxas?" I said hesitantly, not quite wanting to think about the fact that I was actually paying attention to something that had happened in a dream.

This time, I got an immediate reaction. The cat—Cricket? Roxas?—turned around toward me, his movements a little too fast to be inconspicuous but not fast enough to be overly suspicious.

I smirked. "Come here, Roxas." I coaxed. "C'mon."

As if he hadn't just been ignoring me, the tiny kitten pranced over to where I was, licking my nose as I picked him up. I couldn't help but laugh, setting him on my shoulder as I straightened and headed for the dining room.

Sitting at the table, as prim and proper as ever, was my old man's 'friend,' Rufus Shinra. Before Mom passed away, he had been my dad's boss—he was president of Shinra Electric, and my dad was his bodyguard. After Mom passed away, he had put my dad on extended leave and kept in close touch. They—along with my dad's partner, Rude—had become pretty close friends, and I'm pretty sure he was one of the deciding factors behind my dad's not losing himself to alcohol. Riku and I had just begun to suspect that they were teetering on the edge of being more than just friends and employee/employer. And, in spite of his far-too-gelled and slicked back blonde hair, I must admit he's not a bad guy for Pops to hook up with. We got along okay, and he'd donated some money to help Sora out, too (Sora's dad worked for him), which immediately won Riku over.

Not that you'd ever hear that from my dear younger brother.

"Would you like some Smoosh-Cat?" Rufus asked politely (only _he_ could actually sound polite when offering someone 'Smoosh-Cat'), waving a hand at the partially eaten pan of chip dip sitting on the table.

"That's _really_ not funny." I grumbled, grabbing a handful of tortilla chips and dipping one in the dip, eating it with a rather vindictive crunch. Roxas meowed at me, swiping softly at my mouth. "'S not really cat, Cricket." I assured him, ruffling his fur and somehow not at all phased by the fact that I had apparently decided subconsciously not to call him 'Roxas' around anyone else. "It's chip dip. Rufus is just a sick freak."

Pops rapped me on the head with a spoon. "Watch it. And don't fill up on chips; eat _real_ food, yo."

"Yeah, yeah." I muttered, handing the last broken chip, appropriately dipped, to the cat on my shoulder and heading for the cabinets so as to make a sandwich.

"You probably shouldn't give him human food." Rufus said with a grimace as Roxas munched on his chip happily.

"He's not gonna die from one chip." I said even as I handed Roxas a smidgen of the turkey.

"If you spoil that cat…" Pops began, giving me a no-nonsense look.

"Fine, fine." I looked at my kitten. "You can blame those two when you don't get anymore num-nums, Cricket."

"Num-nums?" Rufus repeated slowly, blinking, then jumped when Roxas arched up and hissed at him. "Did that cat just—?"

"Yes. It's a demon cat, I tell you." Pops said.

"Cricket is not a demon cat." I insisted, pouring myself a glass of milk and taking a swig from the jug before setting it back in the fridge. Roxas mewled piteously at me, swaying precariously as I slunk into a chair.

"Sure."

"Whatever. Oi, cat!" I exclaimed as Roxas tumbled off of my arm, having been toddling down for a closer inspection of my food (especially the milk). "Be careful!"

"Idiot cat." Pops muttered.

"Shut up." I said, standing again and grabbing a small bowl from the cupboard. I poured some milk in it and set it down. "There, Cricket. And don't go after my food again, you hear me?"

Roxas just meowed happily, all but diving into the bowl to get after the milk.

I sat back down, picking up my sandwich and taking a huge bite out of it.

Rufus smiled a little, obviously recognizing that I had inherited my old man's eating habits, and stood, giving Pops a significant look.

"We'd better go." Pops said, grabbing his Electro-Mag Rod—this weird-ass weapon of his that was basically a glorified and modified stun gun…although he would probably rip you a new one if you told him that. By the way, Rufus had reinstated him as a bodyguard a while back, and had hired him as a friend, not as a CEO for Shinra, so he wasn't on the company payroll. I guess maybe that was Rufus's way of sidestepping the employer/employee taboo.

"See you." I waved. I'd learned early on not to ask where they went; it was all top secret crap, for whatever reason. "Have fun and whatnot."

Pops ruffled my hair, a habit of his that dated back to before Mom had died. "Take care, kiddo. No getting into trouble, yo."

"I won't." I said. "Thanks for the Smoosh-Cat, Rufus."

"My pleasure." Rufus said with a smile and a nod of his head, and twitched a little when Roxas looked up at him and meowed. "That cat…"

"Probably best to just leave it alone, yo." Pops said, grabbing Rufus' shoulder and steering him toward the door. "Bye, Axel. Bye demon cat."

"He's not a demon cat!" I yelled, but was ignored as the door slammed shut behind them. I sighed and stood, throwing away the paper towel my sandwich had been on and digging some plastic wrap out of a drawer to put over the Smoosh-Cat.

"At least, I don't _think_ he's a demon cat." I said as I ripped off a sheet of the wrap and turned toward the table. "Ah! Roxas!"

The aforementioned kitten looked up at me with wide, innocent eyes from the pan of Smoosh-Cat, bits of the dip stuck to his chin and whiskers.

"Damn, cat, you could've just _told_ me you were hungry!" I said, grabbing him and setting him on the floor. I pulled the bag of cat food out of the cabinet and poured it into the bowl that had previously been holding the milk. "There you go, buddy."

I patted his head and stood, looking at the kitchen and rolling my eyes. I gathered up all of the dishes my old man and brother had left out and began washing them, throwing out what was left of the Smoosh-Cat (no longer enough to attempt to save—that cat ate _fast_ ) and washing it as well. By this point Roxas had finished, so I put his bowl in the dishwasher and picked him up, letting him snuggle in his customary perch on my shoulder.

"So now what?" I wondered aloud. Our cable was out (we'd just changed companies and it was freaking on us), Riku had left our memory card at Demyx's (there would be death, I swore; I was nearly done with my new game!), and I _really_ didn't feel like watching a movie.

"I guess I could go hit up Dem for that card." I mused, already knowing that I wouldn't. Demyx wouldn't be home anyhow—he went to Twilight Community College, so he would be at class.

I checked a clock—it was already half-past one, somehow, which meant that normally I wouldn't be getting off of work for another two and a half hours.

"I _could_ go into work and make up the hours." I wrinkled my nose. Cid would kill me _and_ my dad for that, probably, and if I went in I would more than likely get roped into closing. Cid knew I hated to close, and usually he understood why, but his temper might make him forget that I had to get to the hospital before visiting hours were over, even if it was just for a few minutes.

That thought, of course, gave me an epiphany.

"You're supposed to help me, right?" I asked the kitten on my shoulder, who was suckling on my shirt again.

The only way to help me, I figured, would be to help Sora.

ENDCHAPTERFOUR


	5. Hospital Visit

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  _**If This Cat Could Talk…** _

"You're early today, Axel

 _  
**If This Cat Could Talk…**   
_

**By** : Ellipsis the Great

 **DISCLAIMER:** Kingdom Hearts and everything affiliated with it belongs to SquareEnix and Disney. All I own is the plot…

 **Summary:** Axel's therapist suggests that he get a cat to help him get over an accident involving his little brother's best friend. It doesn't take him long to realize that strange things are afoot, however…

 **Rated:** T just in case. May change later on.

 **Spoilers:** None that I know of…

 **Warnings:** Definite yaoi on the horizon, a little angst (obviously), and I suppose I should point out that this is AU…

CHAPTER FIVE: Hospital Visit

"You're early today, Axel." Aerith Gainsborough, my favorite nurse at Twilight Hospital, said as I walked into the lobby.

"I slept through my alarm, my old man called me in sick, and now I'm trying to avoid Cid's wrath." I explained, trying not to think about the expression on Cid's face when I'd run into him on the way to the hospital.

Aerith giggled. "Alright. You know where Sora's room is."

"Any change?" I asked, just like I had every day for the past ten years.

Her smile fell, as always. "I'm afraid not, sweetie."

I nodded, having expected the answer but still experiencing that feeling of disappointment that never went away. I waved at her and walked to the elevator, then went up to Sora's floor (the sixth and top floor of the hospital).

"Oh! Hello, Axel." Dr. Ansem T. Weiss, Sora's doctor, said as he exited Sora's room.

"Any change?" I asked, ignoring the fact that I had already asked Aerith the same question.

"Unfortunately, no." Dr. Ansem said. "It is the strangest thing…none of our tests have shown any problems with him, even up here." He tapped his head. "He is completely healed…should have woken up by now."

I sighed and nodded acquiescently. "Yeah."

Dr. Ansem gave me a sympathetic look and put a hand on my shoulder. "It will be alright, Axel. I am sure Sora will wake up soon."

"You've been saying that for ten years, Doc." I said. "If he was going to wake up, he would've done it a long time ago."

His expression saddened all the more, and he squeezed my shoulder once before walking away.

"See you tomorrow." I murmured, then took the last few strides to get to Sora's room.

Even though I knew he wasn't going to wake up, I was as quiet as possible as I entered his room.

"Hey, Sora." I whispered, slipping into the seat next to his bed.

Sora, of course, said nothing from where he lay on the hospital bed. His skin was as white as the damn walls, seeming even paler against the deep mahogany tones of his hair, which they kept at shoulder length. It wasn't at all spiked or lively like it used to be, but instead lay limp and dead on the pillows, mirroring the rest of him perfectly. The only noise in the room besides our breathing was the steady beep of the machine in time with his heartbeat. I was always terrified that one day the beeping would stop—it was as much of a lifeline to me as it was to him.

"I got a pet yesterday—it's a kitten." I pulled said kitten out of the oversized pocket of my coat and set him on the bed. "Zex thinks he'll help teach me I can take care of things, so maybe I'll start getting over what I did to you. I don't think he'll help. It is nice to have a pet, though, I guess. Pops never allowed us to have one before this." I grinned. "But I dunno if he'll let me keep him. Nobody really likes him but me, because he has a tendency to hiss at everyone except me. I'll bet you'd have loved him though; he's really weird. Everyone calls him Cricket, but that isn't his real name. His real name is Roxas."

I paused, watching as Roxas toddled up Sora's chest and nuzzled his chin.

"See? He likes you." I said. "I had a dream about him last night. There was this woman's voice, and she asked him to help me. And then I asked him to help me, too, even though I don't know what he's supposed to help me with or why I asked. And he turned into a person! Like, an actual, walks-on-two-legs-and-talks-in-more-than-growls-and-stuff person! He had blonde hair with that funny cowlick thing he's got going on, and the biggest blue eyes I've seen since I damned you to that bed."

I shook my head. "Kairi's doing okay." I said after a moment of silence. "I'll never understand why you and Riku became friends with her, though. It's not like she's a whore or a bitch or anything, but…I dunno, she just rubs me the wrong way. She did even before the…the accident, and ever since then she's hated me. Not that I can blame her. I don't see how anyone could like me after I hurt you." I shook my head. "I put out the sun, y'know? Just like Riku says."

I leaned over the bed, my eyes misting. "I'm so sorry, Sora. If I had known, I…I wouldn't have said anything. Wouldn't have meddled. I just wanted to drive around some, y'know? I was young and stupid. But more than that…I really wanted you and Riku to get over your little fight and get together. Riku's loved you since forever, Sora, and I'm positive you felt the same for him. God, Sora, it's killing him for you to be like this. He still loves you, and he needs you. I'd do anything if you'd just wake up for him. He hates me for doing this to you." I laughed bitterly as the tears began rolling down my cheeks, as they always did, and rested my crossed arms on the bed. "Hell, _I_ hate me for doing this to you. Dr. Ansem says you're fine, Sora, why won't you wake up? Is this my punishment for hurting you? Because it isn't fair for everyone else to be punished along with me! It isn't fair at all! It was all my fault; why does Riku have to hurt, too? And everyone else…they miss you so much, Sora! We miss you!"

I buried my face in my arms, sobbing. "I'm sorry! I'm so, so sorry!"

An anxious meow sounded by my ear, a tiny, furry head butting up against mine. I looked up, immediately getting all but attacked by the little ball of fuzz that made up my kitten. He licked my cheeks almost frantically, alternating between doing that and rubbing his head against me, purring and mewling all the while. I laughed tearfully and scratched behind his ear, laying my head back down on the bed.

A few minutes later, Roxas' purring lulled me to sleep.

PAGEBREAKPAGEBREAKPAGEBREAK

" _He's sorry."_ The voice that had to be my cat's said as we once again appeared in the totally white room—me in the corner, him in the middle. This time, though, I could see the faint outline of another person lying immobile on the other side of the room. I wasn't crying this time, either; just sitting curled up in the corner.

" _You didn't expect him to be?"_

" _I…I don't know."_ Roxas' head dropped. _"I don't know what I expected."_

" _Will you help him?"_

The kitten's head snapped up, and, as if in response to the anger burning in his eyes, he morphed into the blond-haired boy I had seen before.

" _How am I supposed to help him? Outside of here I'm just a cat! What's a cat supposed to do to help a human, huh?"_

" _Will you help him?"_ The woman's voice asked again.

"Help me." I said, uncurling from the fetal position I'd been in up to that point. "Please."

The boy turned on me furiously. _"I don't know how! How do I help you?"_ He demanded.

" _Help him, Roxas."_

" _But I don't know how, Goddammit!"_

" _Roxas, will you help him?"_

" _How? How do I help him?"_

" _Will you help?"_

" _How, dammit?"_

" _Will you?"_

" _HOW do I help him?"_

" _You aren't answering the question, Roxas. Will you help him?"_

" _How can I help him if no one will help_ me _?"_

" _Oh, Roxas…"_ Somehow,I got the feeling that someone was shaking their head.

" _I don't understand!"_

A sigh. _"We'll try again later."_

ENDCHAPTERFIVE


	6. AbuseAxel'sEar Day

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  _**If This Cat Could Talk…** _

"Axel, wake up

 _  
**If This Cat Could Talk…**   
_

**By** : Ellipsis the Great

 **DISCLAIMER:** Kingdom Hearts and everything affiliated with it belongs to SquareEnix and Disney. All I own is the plot…

 **Summary:** Axel's therapist suggests that he get a cat to help him get over an accident involving his little brother's best friend. It doesn't take him long to realize that strange things are afoot, however…

 **Rated:** T just in case. May change later on.

 **Spoilers:** None that I know of…

 **Warnings:** Definite yaoi on the horizon, a little angst (obviously), and I suppose I should point out that this is AU…

CHAPTER SIX: Abuse-Axel's-Ear Day

Unlike with the first dream, I did _not_ have a slow, peaceful awakening after this one ended, although Roxas was still hissing at someone. And that someone was the reason for my rough awakening—he/she was twisting my ear… _hard_.

"Axel McKay Scáth, what in heaven's name were you thinking, bringing an animal in here? And falling asleep, too!" Came a sharp female voice from somewhere near my pained ear.

"OW!" I hissed, leaning into the pull in an attempt to lessen the pain, but the person just kept pulling harder. "Let go!"

"What would have happened if that thing had unplugged one of these machines? Sora could have died, you little idiot!"

And then I heard the most beautiful sound in the world—Roxas' angry yowl as I looked down just in time to see him throw himself onto Tifa Lockhart, one of the less-lenient nurses and my least favorite.

Tifa screeched, releasing my ear in favor of trying to dislodge Roxas' claws from her abnormally large chest. Finally she was able to get a good grasp on his tiny head, pushing him hard enough to send him sprawling to the floor.

"That thing is dangerous!" She screamed, hitting the red button to call the attendants into the room.

"Cricket isn't dangerous—you were attacking me, you crazy bitch!" I yelled, scooping the now trembling Roxas into my arms and cradling him protectively to my chest.

" _I_ attacked _you_?" She shrieked, her voice so high-pitched I was afraid she would break one (maybe even all) of Sora's monitors or machines.

"He's a kitten! What do you think it looked like to him?" I demanded furiously. No one, but _no one_ , laid a hand on my Roxas. "You hurt him!"

"It's an _animal_ , and it shouldn't have even been in here!"

" _He_ is my _pet_ , and also a part of my therapy according to my psychiatrist, so _back the fuck off_!"

"Everyone calm down!" Dr. Ansem bellowed from the doorway as he entered the room.

We immediately stopped yelling—even Roxas, who had continued growling at her throughout our exchange.

"Would one of you _please_ explain to me what is going on?" Dr. Ansem asked. "We have patients here, you know!"

"He brought that _thing_ in here—"

"She fucking _attacked_ me—"

"—Fell asleep—"

"—Could've hurt Cricket—"

"—Pulled Sora's plug—"

"—I would _not_ have pulled Sora's plug!" I snarled, hands balling into fists in an attempt to remember Pops' rule about not hitting girls (unless they hit you first, in which case they were fair game).

"Maybe _you_ wouldn't, but _that thing_ might!" She said, pointing an accusing finger at Roxas.

"He was sleeping on Sora's chest!" I said. "Nowhere _near_ any of those damn cords!"

"How would _you_ know?" She asked. " _You_ fell asleep!"

"And your fucking screaming probably startled him into moving!" I retorted sharply. "Did you even stop to see what he was doing before you started your damn screaming? What if you'd scared him into doing something to hurt Sora?"

"Well that wouldn't be a problem if you followed hospital policy and kept that flea-bitten feline out of here!"

"Cricket is _not_ flea-bitten!" I said. "And I already told you he's a new addition to my therapy! How's he supposed to help if he doesn't even know what my problem is?"

"It's a _cat_!"

"Both of you stop!" Dr. Ansem broke in again forcefully, both of us shutting up again. He glared at us for a moment before speaking. "Now, first of all: Tifa, did you attack Axel?"

"I just grabbed his ear." She said. "He's being melodramatic."

"You yelled, too." I said sulkily.

She made a face at me.

"Tifa, violence of any sort is not allowed in this hospital." Dr. Ansem said. "I do not care how long you have known his family." Tifa and my parents had been friends in college.

She just snorted, crossing her arms over her chest.

"You have already been warned once. The next time something like this happens I am going to have to suspend you." He said before turning to me. "Now, Axel, why did you bring that cat here?"

"His name is Cricket." I said. "Dr. Sei suggested that I get him as part of my therapy, and I thought…" I trailed off, suddenly feeling very childish. "I mean, since my damning Sora to this place is what really started fucking me up, I thought I should bring Cricket here. I didn't even really think about the no pets thing, and if Cricket had done anything I'd have taken him away."

"How would you know if you were sleeping?" Tifa asked, jumping a little when Roxas spat at her from my arms.

"I'm a light sleeper." I said. "Even _you_ know that. If something had happened while I was asleep I would have woken up, hit the button and gotten Cricket as far away from anything important as possible." I shot her a glare that I could feel was an awkward mix of melancholy and fury. "I would _never_ put Sora in danger again."

She flinched, her expression suddenly contrite. "Axel, I…" She trailed off, not knowing how to continue.

"Tifa was not thinking." Dr. Ansem said. "But neither were you, Axel. Bringing any animal here is strictly forbidden because of allergies and the like. You know you are always welcome during visiting hours, but I am afraid I am going to have to ask you to leave for now. And do not bring your cat…Cricket…back. I am sorry to have to do it, and you know I would let you bring him if I could, but I cannot endanger the health of the rest of my patients."

I nodded. "Okay. I'm…I'm sorry." I glanced at Sora, allowing my hand to hover over his still form for a moment before it faltered and fell at my side. Not meeting anyone's gaze, I put Roxas up on my shoulder, stuffed my hands in my pockets, and left.

PAGEBREAKPAGEBREAKPAGEBREAK

"So that's Sora." I muttered as I walked down the street towards my house, keeping my voice down so that people wouldn't start staring any more than usual. "He's the sweetest, kindest, most wonderful person in the whole world—even better than Mother Teresa. I'm not even kidding. He was…is…Riku's best friend, and Riku's always been in love with him. Even when they were little kids, you could tell. And I thought…I thought Sora felt the same way about Riku, so I tried to set them up ten years ago." I snorted. "I was young and stupid. _So_ fucking stupid. I took him driving on fucking New Year's Eve! What kind of dumbass does that? My age was no excuse; I knew better. And I wasn't even taking him driving to try and help—it was just an excuse so I could go fucking driving!" I laughed bitterly. "Now I can hardly even look at a car without hyperventilating. Idiocy knows no bounds, huh?"

Roxas mewled softly, though I couldn't tell if he was disagreeing with me or not.

"Yeah, well." I shook my head. "Anyhow, we got hit by some goddamn drunk—he died, the bastard—and Sora ended up there. And _nothing_ happened to me. _Nothing_. Sure I had a couple of scratches and bruises, but that's it. I mean, how could I come out scot-free while Sora— _Sora_ —ended up in that fucking bed? I wish I could take his place. It's just not fucking fair, y'know? Sora was…Sora had _everything_ waiting for him. He had so many people who loved him—who _still_ love him—and so much stuff he could've done with his life! He really could've gone places." I sighed. "And look at _me_ —I just barely scraped up the grades to graduate from high school, probably couldn't have even gotten into community college if I'd tried, and I'm a fucking mechanic—I fix _cars_ , for Chrissake. I'm not even _good_ at it. The only reason I have the job is because Pops is friends with the head mechanic. God-fucking- _dammit_ I suck."

Roxas licked my cheek soothingly, beginning to purr softly.

" _There_ you are!" For the second time that day (and in far too close succession for my liking) my ear was nearly wrenched from my head, this time by a much rougher and filthy hand. "Sick, eh? Yer old man's gonna get it from me, that's fer sure!"

"OW!" Was all I could say, trying to decide if I should try (futilely) to dislodge myself from Cid Highwind's grasp, or wait and see if Roxas would attack him, too. "Let go, you crazy old fart!"

"Ya sure don't look sick ta me!" Cid said, letting go almost as roughly as he'd grabbed me. "And what in the _hell_ is that growing on yer neck?"

"That's my cat!" I said, rubbing my ear huffily. "And I'm not sick—I slept through my alarm and Pops didn't want to wake me up!"

"Slept through yer alarm?" Cid repeated incredulously. "Ain't heard of you doing that before."

"Because I haven't done it since before the accident." I snapped.

Cid stared at me for a moment, lips pursed into as thin a line as they could with that God-awful toothpick sticking out of one side.

"I'm sorry I didn't come in, but I figured since he'd already called you I'd try not to get anyone in trouble. Plus you'd have kept me late, which would've meant not seeing Sora. That's where I was up until a few minutes ago."

Cid still didn't say anything at first, instead reaching up and putting a hand to my forehead. "You sure yer okay?"

"I'm _fine_ , you old codger." I sighed, pushing his hand away. Sometimes Cid surprised me with his random bouts of gruff worrying, especially since he was Sora's uncle. "Look, do you…do you need me to come in? I can, once I drop Cricket off at home."

"…Cricket?" Cid repeated slowly.

"The cat." I explained, pointing at the animal in question.

"Oh…Cricket?"

"Demyx."

Cid rolled his eyes. "Right. Well, I ain't got a use for you, so just take the day off."

I blinked at him. Cid _never_ let people go this easily when he caught them skiving off of work.

"But you'd better be early tomorrow, and don't expect me to go easy on you!" He added gruffly, punching the shoulder Roxas wasn't on.

"Fine." I said, rubbing my shoulder. Why was everyone I knew so violent? "Whatever."

He just smirked at me, then turned and walked off, presumably toward the shop.

"Weird-ass old man."

Roxas meowed in a way that made me think he was agreeing with me, and I grinned for a moment before checking my watch.

"Demyx should be out of class by now." I said. Demyx only had one class on Tuesdays and Thursdays. "Let's go hit him up for my memory card, shall we?"

There was another mewled agreement, which made me laugh before I turned around (Demyx's house was on the opposite side of the hospital from ours) and began walking again.

A few more hours, another ear-pinch (Demyx's mom doesn't like me much, especially when I tease her 'precious baby boy'), and far too many bowls of popcorn later found me passed out on my bed, Roxas curled up on my clavicle.

And thus began the dream that would change my life.

ENDCHAPTERSIX


	7. Promises

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  _**If This Cat Could Talk…** _

This time the dream started out differently

 _  
**If This Cat Could Talk…**   
_

**By** : Ellipsis the Great

 **DISCLAIMER:** Kingdom Hearts and everything affiliated with it belongs to SquareEnix and Disney. All I own is the plot…

 **Summary:** Axel's therapist suggests that he get a cat to help him get over an accident involving his little brother's best friend. It doesn't take him long to realize that strange things are afoot, however…

 **Rated:** T just in case. May change later on.

 **Spoilers:** None that I know of…

 **Warnings:** Definite yaoi on the horizon, a little angst (obviously), and I suppose I should point out that this is AU…

CHAPTER SEVEN: Promises

This time the dream started out differently. We were still in the white room, and I was still curled up in one of the corners, and across from me there still lay the nondescript, mostly transparent body that had appeared in the previous dream.

But this time Roxas didn't start out as a cat, nor was he in the middle of the room; this time, he was crouching in front of me in his human form, his owlish blue eyes narrowed as he regarded me rather coldly. It was then that I first realized that he wasn't wearing any clothes, and that he hadn't been in any of the other two dreams, either. He, in all of his pale-skinned glory, seemed unaffected by his nude state, but I blushed. The blush got worse when I realize that I was naked as well (although I'm still not sure if I was naked in any of the other dreams).

" _You aren't at all what I expected."_ He said when he realized that I had stopped cringing and was looking up at him. _"You were supposed to be some cruel, sadistic idiot who didn't have a conscience. You weren't supposed to be_ _sorry_ _about what happened to Sora."_

I just stared at him, not comprehending his words—more because I didn't know why he would care than that I didn't know what he was talking about.

" _I didn't know_ _why_ _you did what you did."_ He continued. _"I thought you were just stupid or something. I didn't realize you were trying to_ _help_ _."_ He frowned sardonically. _"Although I guess that might make you stupid, too. A different kind of stupid, though."_

" _Roxas."_

He looked over his shoulder in the direction of the voice.

" _Will you help him?"_

He hesitated, looking back at me. He let himself fall forward on his hands and knees, leaning toward me with a suspicious expression on his face.

" _You really are sorry, yeah?"_ He asked, his face so close our noses almost brushed against each other.

I nodded wordlessly, any words I might have said drying up in my throat.

" _Roxas, I need your answer. There isn't much time left."_ The voice said. _"Will you help him?"_

He glanced at me again, worrying his bottom lip with his teeth. Finally, though, he steeled himself up and nodded.

" _Yeah."_ His voice was so hoarse you could hardly understand him, so he cleared his throat and said, _"Yeah. I'll help him."_

" _Thank you, Roxas."_

Roxas stiffened, shivering a little as the air around him shimmered a bit, though not as bad as it did when he morphed from cat to human form.

"Thank you." I managed to croak after the shimmering had stopped.

His eyes snapped back to my face, then he grinned impishly. _"Don't thank me just yet, Axel. I still have no idea how I'm supposed to help you. I'm just a cat outside of this dream, y'know."_

"Just being there is enough." I said. "It helped…it helped a lot, today. And you listened to me, too." I let my gaze fall to my lap. "Zex is the only other person who's ever actually listened, and he gets paid to do that."

He nodded slowly, moving to sit beside me, thought he was really just crouching again, his arms wrapped around his legs.

We sat there for a while in complete silence, neither of us knowing what to talk about now that it had been established that he was going to help me.

" _Hey, I was wondering…how come you're a mechanic if you're scared of cars?"_ He asked so suddenly I jumped a little at the sound of his voice. He didn't apologize, instead just staring at me curiously.

"It was Pops' idea. Back when I first started seeing him Zex said we should find a way for me to be around cars that didn't involve riding or driving in them so I'd stop associating cars with pain or whatever. We tried a few other things…Demyx's younger sister Larxene dragged me to a car show, which…ended badly." I winced at the memory. No matter who you were or what you were trying to do, spending time with Larxene was definitely _not_ the way to stop associating something with pain. If anything, she would make it worse…and make other people start fearing it as well. Demyx wouldn't go near a car for over a month after that damn show. "After a few other failed attempts, Pops suggested that I start working for Cid. That's Sora's great-uncle, but he and my dad are good friends, too, and he's never been really bad about talking about or blaming me for what happened to Sora."

" _I see."_ He said slowly. _"Did it…help any?"_

I shrugged. "I can be near cars now, at least, but only when they're turned off. And the walk to and from work has gotten me to stop jumping whenever I see a running car. But whenever I'm actually _near_ a running car, I completely freeze up. I can't even be in the garage when they're bringing cars in, unless it's so beat up we have to push it in." I sighed, leaning my head against the wall. "I'm just a fucked up bastard, I guess."

" _I don't think so."_ He said, scooting a little closer to me. _"I mean…I've technically only been around for a few weeks, but I think it's perfectly logical for you to be like this after something like that happened."_

"But that's not my only problem, Roxas." I shook my head. "I mean, sure it was a tragedy and all, but it's not normal for it to take a person so long to recover from something like that. Who in their right mind starts drinking and then starts cutting just because of some stupid accident?" I squeezed my eyes shut. "I know…I _know_ it wasn't really totally my fault. People have told me often enough, and I know I didn't plan for Sora to get hurt. I didn't plan _anything_. I _know_ that, up here." I tapped my head. "But here," I put a hand over my heart. "Here, I know that it _was_ my fault. Every time I try to move on, my heart just…balks. If it wasn't for me, Sora wouldn't be practically dead, and Riku wouldn't be so miserable and cynical, and…and so many other things. And it's _all_ _my fault_."

He nodded uncertainly, and was quiet for a while as he digested all that I'd said. _"Um…maybe I'm stupid, but…I know that drinking means alcohol, but what does cutting mean?"_

"It's…well…" How was I supposed to explain this? "Some people…we feel like…like we _can't_ feel. Like we don't have hearts, or something. And it freaks us out, so we try to figure out a way to make sure we really _can_ feel. I tried alcohol first, to make me forget that feeling, but Pops and Riku caught me and made me stop…not that I'm ungrateful, of course. But then I had to have another test, so I…I got a razor…" I glanced at him. "You know what a razor is?"

He nodded again, his eyes wide as he listened.

"I got a razor, and…" I turned my bare arms over so that he could see the nasty white and brown crisscrossing scars that littered them, as well as the deepest, nastiest ones—single ones on either arm that went straight from the crook of my elbow to my wrist. "At first it was just a test, but then it became an addiction. And I _knew_ it was wrong. I knew it was destructive. I knew it was sick and that I should stop, but I couldn't. So I…I tried to end it." I trailed a finger up the big scar on my opposite arm. "I almost did, too, but Riku walked in on me and he and Pops got me put in the hospital." I ducked my head. "That was when I was eighteen."

Hesitantly, he reached out, grabbing the closest wrist carefully and pulling it towards himself so that he could run a finger over the scars as I had done, his hands almost as smooth as his fur was when he was in cat form.

" _You made yourself hurt?"_ He asked, his voice small.

"I just wanted to make sure I could still feel." I whispered.

" _You won't do it anymore, will you?"_ He asked, wrapping my arm around himself and pushing himself as close to me as possible. _"You promise you'll never do it again? Please?"_

"I haven't actually done it in four years." I said. "I only even get tempted every once in a while, now."

" _Promise."_ He insisted, stuffing his thumb in his mouth and sucking childishly.

I smirked a little at the sight, despite our conversation, and grabbed his hand, pushing it away from his mouth. "If you promise to stop doing _that_ , I'll promise to never cut again."

" _That's not fair. It's completely different!"_ He said, trying to put his other thumb in his mouth, but I stopped him easily. _"Axel!"_

"Any addiction is still an addiction." I said, ignoring the fact that I was quoting what Pops had said when he caught me smoking one day.

He pouted, glaring at me cutely for a moment before sighing and leaning into me again. _"Fine. I promise."_ He gave in huffily, giving his thumb a rather melancholic look.

I put my hand atop his and laced our fingers together, pulling him even closer. He looked up at me inquisitively.

"You help me, and I'll help you." I explained with a smile.

He returned my smile with an embarrassed one of his own. Then he closed his eyes and leaned against me. _"You have to wake up soon."_

I shrugged. I had no way of knowing how much time had passed outside of the dream.

" _I'll be a cat again."_ He added.

"I guess so." I sighed. It was…it was really _nice_ to have someone beside me. It was the first time it had ever happened to me; most people didn't even want to associate with me after the accident, much less date me (I'm bisexual, by the way).

" _I'll still be there for you, though."_ He said determinedly. _"No matter what, yeah? Even if I'm a cat. I'll always listen, and I'll make sure no one else tries to make you hurt, either. I_ _promise_ _I'll always be there for you."_

I grinned. "Thanks, Roxie."

He glared at me. _"Do_ _not_ _call me that."_

"It's better than Cricket." I pointed out, my grin widening.

He shuddered. _"I_ _hate_ _that name."_

I laughed. "Yeah, I know. But there's nothing I can do now that Demyx has made up his mind. I always call you Roxas in my head and when we're alone, though."

He snorted, blatantly telling me without words that that did nothing to assuage his disgust with the name.

We sat quietly for a few moments longer before he spoke again.

" _It's time for you to wake up."_ He said, sadness seeping into his voice.

"I'll be back." I said. "And it's not like we won't see each other. You just…won't be human."

Another snort, and then he leaned up and licked my cheek lightly.

" _See you in your dreams, then."_

ENDCHAPTERSEVEN


	8. Dressing the Kitten

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **By** : Ellipsis the Great

It was another of those slow awakenings, but this time I was a little more aware of my surroundings—of the warmth coming from an outside source that was nestled against me, of the soft sound of Roxas' breathing, of the sensation of his fur tickling my no If This Cat Could Talk…

 **By** : Ellipsis the Great

 **DISCLAIMER:** Kingdom Hearts and everything affiliated with it belongs to SquareEnix and Disney. All I own is the plot…

 **Summary:** Axel's therapist suggests that he get a cat to help him get over an accident involving his little brother's best friend. It doesn't take him long to realize that strange things are afoot, however…

 **Rated:** T just in case. May change later on.

 **Spoilers:** None that I know of…

 **Warnings:** Definite yaoi on the horizon, a little angst (obviously), and I suppose I should point out that this is AU…

CHAPTER EIGHT: Dressing the Kitten

It was another of those slow awakenings, but this time I was a little more aware of my surroundings—of the warmth coming from an outside source that was nestled against me, of the soft sound of Roxas' breathing, of the sensation of his fur tickling my nose, and of the feeling of my arms being wrapped around a lean, but familiar figure.

' _Wait…what?_ '

My eyes snapped open so fast I'm surprised I didn't get whiplash, immediately meeting a pair of rather annoyed smoldering eyes.

"Would you care to explain to me _why_ you grabbed me while I was trying to wake you up?" Riku asked irritably, his blue-green eyes narrowed even more than usual.

Apparently, my sleep-fogged mind realized (far too slowly to be natural), it had been his breathing I'd heard and his hair that had been tickling my nose, not Roxas'.

"…No?" I laughed awkwardly, pulling my arms away from him. Then, my mind going back to the dream, I sat straight up, looking around wildly. "Where's Ro—Cricket?"

"How the hell should I know?" Riku asked, apparently not noticing my near-slip as he hurried to get off of my bed; as if he thought I would grab him again (like I would want to when I was conscious).

"Never mind." I snapped, standing and rubbing the ball of my hand against one of my eyes. "What time is it?"

"Noon…ish." He replied. "This is the second time you've slept in obscenely late. You'd better be glad Cid called and said for you not to come in today, or you'd be dead right now."

"Cid did what?" I asked, eyebrows furrowing.

"He said something about getting ready for some race in Hollow Bastion."

"Oh…I forgot that was today." I said thoughtfully. Races meant lots of activities in the garage, which usually meant running cars…running cars and I didn't mix well.

"Right. He said he forgot, too, which is why yesterday he told you to come in." He frowned at me. "Although I don't see as to why it matters. You've seriously got to get over yourself."

I flinched visibly, wishing vaguely that Roxas was here to scare my brother off. I seriously hated it when he got in one of his vindictive, Axel-is-Satan moods.

"Yeah." I said softly, no longer meeting his gaze.

He scoffed. "Whatever. Pops said to tell you that Luxord called."

Luxord Veinardurée: my best friend of about fifteen years, now. We met when we were in the fifth grade, when he was suckering some kids out of their money. That guy was and still is crazy good at gambling, but the kids in question decided he was cheating, so they tried to beat him up when the teacher wasn't looking. Now, I might've been a bit of a jerk myself at that age (most would say I never outgrew that aspect of myself), but fair was fair. Sore losers pissed me off.

So I set them on fire.

It got me suspended, and lectured by my dad and then-pregnant mom, but it also earned me a best friend. We weren't as close as Riku and Sora, mind you—mostly we just took turns getting in trouble and getting each other out of trouble—but we were still close. And he was really good about helping with all of the things I had gone through in my life when most people would have (or actually had) abandoned me.

"Thanks." I said, still not really looking at him.

Riku had always been horrendously unsympathetic about everything, and while I couldn't help but understand why, I still sometimes wished he could just let it go. On the other hand, it was sometimes nice to have someone who was realistic about my part in the accident. He was just a little too…vehement about it, sometimes, and I could never really look him in the eyes.

He didn't answer, just leaving the room and closing the door behind himself with a sharp slam.

I let out a ragged sigh, sitting back down on the bed and burying my face in my hands. This was the hardest part about both of us still living with Pops: I had to see how much my baby brother hated me _every day_. He had even hit me a few times—I never tried to stop him—until Pops found out and threatened to send him to anger management classes.

With most people he was just apathetic, and with a rare few (Demyx and Kairi, for example) he was actually somewhat amiable, but with me he was completely unforgiving and hateful. I understood why, like I said before, but at the same time…I mean, no one wants to be hated by their own family, right?

Something shifted beneath me.

"A-Axel?"

Another sigh. "Yeah, Roxas?"

There was no answer, but after a pregnant pause the name I had said registered in my mind.

I jerked back, my hands leaving my face as I looked down at the face peering up at me fearfully from between my legs.

" _Roxas_?" I gasped.

He nodded, his cerulean blue eyes impossibly wide and frightened.

"H-how…when… _what_?"

"I woke up like this." He said shakily, pulling his hands out from under the bed. They were trembling. "I-I don't know what happened, but when I woke up I wasn't a cat anymore and for a minute I thought we were still dreaming except that we aren't in the room and then I heard your brother so I just climbed under the bed so he wouldn't see me and I don't know what's going on and…and…"

"Whoa, Roxie, calm down." I said, grabbing his hands and pulling him out from under the bed.

He hissed a little as the carpet scraped against his bare back—he was naked, still—but allowed me to help him up.

"What's happening?" He asked, his eyes pleading with me to give him an answer.

"I don't know." I replied with a shrug, unable to keep my eyes from drifting downwards. I coughed awkwardly and blushed. "I should…get you some clothes."

"Why?" He asked, apparently easily distracted.

"Humans wear clothes." I said, not quite able to believe I was having this conversation—especially not with someone who had been a cat a few hours before!

"Why?"

"Well, because…it's…to cover up your…you know!" I said, flustered.

"If I knew, I wouldn't have asked." He pointed out.

"It's to cover up that!" I said, pointing at his groin.

He looked down, blinking. "…Why?"

"Because it's…humans just don't go walking around naked, okay? It's indecent." I said, hiding my embarrassment by rummaging through the closet.

"But I'm always naked." He protested, peering over my shoulder curiously.

"Yeah, well, you're usually a cat, too." I said.

I could practically _feel_ his grimace. "Right." He said, his voice even smaller than he usually was.

I turned around with an old shirt and pants set I had never really worn but was too lazy to throw away. He had his arms folded behind his back, his eyes on his shuffling feet.

"Hey, don't worry about it." I said, putting a hand on his shoulder. "We'll figure this out, okay? You help me and I'll help you, remember?"

He stared at me for a moment, and then his mouth broke into a smile that, while it was so little most wouldn't have given it much thought, it made his entire face light up so that I could have sworn he was a flashlight during a blackout.

I ruffled his hair, ignoring his disgruntled whine, and handed him the clothes, ruffling through my underwear drawer and giving him one of the smaller pairs of boxers that I was always telling myself I should get rid of.

"Put those on while I take a shower." I said, grabbing some clothes for myself.

"A…shower?" He repeated distastefully. "Like…a _bath_?"

"Yeah. Humans can't wash themselves like cats can, so we have to take baths." I explained, unable to stop the grin the spread across my face. "We get yucky and smelly otherwise."

He just wrinkled his nose cutely.

I chuckled. "Be back in about ten or fifteen minutes." I said, and left the room.

I knocked on the door once I had finished my shower, my hair tied in a loose ponytail.

"You done, Roxie?"

There was a muttered answer from within, closely followed by a thump and a yelp.

"Roxas?" I opened the door, freezing at the sight that met me.

The 'thump' I had heard was apparently the sound of Roxas falling to the floor, as he looked up at me with one leg in the pants, and the shirt sleeve halfheartedly pulled around his head. He had also managed to put the vest halfway on, but had apparently given up on the boxers as they had been carelessly deposited on the bed.

I clapped a hand over my mouth, managing to stifle my laughter so that all that escaped was a soft snort.

"I…don't think I'm doing this right." Roxas said with an embarrassed half-smile, ducking his head. "I'm sorry."

I shook my head. "It's my fault—I should have known you wouldn't know how to put clothes on when you didn't even know why people have to wear them. Come here." I offered him a hand, pulling him to his feet when he took it. "Take all of that off, and we'll start over."

He did so, and I directed him in the proper way to put on the clothes I had provided, mentally scolding myself for not only failing to realize that he wouldn't know how to put them on, but also giving him a horrendously difficult outfit to try to put on. Eventually we managed to get it right, and I grinned as I studied the fruits of our labors.

He now wore pair of khaki pants, as well as a black vest beneath a white shirt with a red inner collar and a checkered pattern where the sleeves met the body of the shirt and just above the hoodie-esque pockets.

"Nice." I said, my mouth twitching as I watched him look at himself, leaning back on his toes in an attempt to see himself from behind.

He looked at me, his eyes as innocent and curious as ever. "Really?"

I nodded. "But…" I crossed my arms over my chest. "Now that we've made you decent, we have to figure out where we're gonna tell people you came from!"

Both of us pondered this question for a moment.

"We could say I'm Sora's cousin." Roxas suggested finally.

"You _do_ look like him." I admitted. "Other than the hair, at least. It could work, I guess, but…if you're his cousin, which I'm assuming means you came to see how he is, why didn't you come before now?"

He bit his lip, eyebrows furrowing together. "I…don't know."

I snapped my fingers together. "I know! You're a foster kid. You've been fostered to a couple of different families because your folks are dead, and after you were old enough to be on your own you moved around a lot, so you didn't get the news until a few months ago."

"And we met at the hospital." He added, seeming to catch on.

"No, it would be better if we met yesterday when I was coming home from Demyx's. You asked where the hospital was, and then you asked for a hotel that was close to it. And I said you could stay here."

"Okay." He said with a smile.

"Right. So that's the story." I said, touching my head with a finger. "Got it memorized?"

"I'm Sora's cousin who just heard about the accident because I'm a…you called it a foster kid? So I've moved around a lot, but I finally got the news and came here to see him. I arrived yesterday and met you while I was looking for a hotel near the hospital. And then you invited me to stay at your house." He recited dutifully.

I ruffled his hair. "Way to go, Roxie."

"Don't do that. And my name is _Roxas_." He scowled, then put one hand on his hip while he tapped his head with the other. "Got it memorized?"

I laughed. "Yeah, fine. Let's go."

He nodded and followed me out of the room.

ENDCHAPTEREIGHT


	9. Eclipse

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **By** : Ellipsis the Great

Pops and Riku stared at us as we entered the kitchen, Roxas trailing behind me almost as if he had been a puppy rather than a kitten If This Cat Could Talk…

 **By** : Ellipsis the Great

 **DISCLAIMER:** Kingdom Hearts and everything affiliated with it belongs to SquareEnix and Disney. All I own is the plot…

 **Summary:** Axel's therapist suggests that he get a cat to help him get over an accident involving his little brother's best friend. It doesn't take him long to realize that strange things are afoot, however…

 **Rated:** T just in case. May change later on.

 **Spoilers:** None that I know of…

 **Warnings:** Definite yaoi on the horizon, a little angst (obviously), and I suppose I should point out that this is AU…

CHAPTER NINE: Eclipse

Pops and Riku stared at us as we entered the kitchen, Roxas trailing behind me almost as if he had been a puppy rather than a kitten.

"…Did you have a one-night stand?" Pops finally asked. "In _my house_?"

I blinked. Roxas blinked. We blinked again, this time in unison.

" _What?_ No!" I said, a light blush spreading across my cheeks.

"What's a one-night stand?" Roxas asked, standing on his tiptoes so he could whisper the question into my ear.

"I'll tell you later." I hissed, vaguely aware that while my brother and father hadn't heard the question, they were still giving us a strange look. "Roxas, this is my brother Riku and my dad, Reno. Pops, Riku, this is Roxas Astera."

Roxas stepped out from behind me with a suddenly confident smile. "Hi. I'm Sora's cousin." He said, shoving his hand out towards them as I had told him (he understood the importance of the handshake even if he still didn't quite get _why_ it was important).

"Sora's…cousin?" Riku said, looking down at Roxas' hand for a moment before returning his gaze to the blonde's face.

Roxas, who had been following Riku's eyes, cocked his head to one side curiously. I think he was probably confused by how Riku ignored his hand even though I had stressed the necessity of a handshake. "Yes. It means we're related by blood."

Riku flushed, eyes narrowing. "I _know_ what it means!"

"Then why did you ask?"

Riku scowled. "What I _meant_ was how can you be Sora's cousin if you've only now shown up? Didn't you _care_ before now that he's been in a coma for ten years?"

"I'm an orphan." He replied rather tersely. "I've been moved to lots of different foster parents, and even after I turned eighteen I kept moving around, so I just got the news a few months ago." He looked at me. "Isn't jumping to conclusions considered impolite?"

"Like _I_ would know." I shrugged. I had never exactly been a polite person.

"Look, yo, if you're family of Sora's that's great." Pops finally spoke up. "Riku was just surprised, is all."

"What are you doing _here_ if you're Sora's cousin?" Riku jumped in again. "Shouldn't you be at the hospital or something?"

"I just got in town yesterday." Roxas explained. "I was looking for a hotel near the hospital when I ran into him," He jerked a thumb at me. "And asked for directions."

"I told him any family of Sora's is family of mine, and invited him to stay here." I jumped in, putting a hand on his shoulder. "He stayed in the hammock." I had one hanging up in one corner of the room. At first it had been for beanie babies (I'll admit that I collected them when I was younger) but over the years it grew into a guest bed/dirty clothes hamper.

"Where was he this morning?" Riku asked, still suspicious. "The hammock was empty."

"I think he woke up earlier than I did." I said, glancing at Roxas. "Dunno where he was."

"I was relieving myself." Roxas piped up, smiling uneasily when we looked at him. "In the comfort box."

"Comfort…box…?" Pops repeated blankly.

"I think that's what he calls the bathroom." I said, wondering at the odd wording.

Roxas wrinkled his nose. "I don't like baths, so why would I go in a room named for one?"

I laughed. "Fine, fine, the comfort box, then." I put a hand on his shoulder. "You want to go to the hospital, then? We can meet up with Lux and the rest later."

He gave me a curious look at the mention of Luxord, who I hadn't talked about as of yet, but nodded just the same. "Yes, I'd like to see Sora."

"'Kay, let's go." I said, grabbing my hooded black trench coat off its roost on the back of my chair and offering it to him. "Use this; it's cold outside."

"You didn't bring a jacket?" Pops asked. "It's _January._ "

He shrugged. "I was at Destiny Islands last, and it's never cold there. I didn't think."

"Here, let's just go." I shook the coat, as impatient as always. The emotion was made worse by Riku's ever-suspicious gaze.

He shook his head. "I'll be okay."

I rolled my eyes, slipping the coat on. "Whatever you say, Roxie."

He scowled. "I told you not to call me that, Axel."

I smirked. "I know, Roxie."

His eyes narrowed a little, but he said nothing as he headed towards the door, shoving his hands in his pockets once he'd opened the big door and pushing the screen one open with his hip.

"See you." I said as I followed. "I've got my cell phone if you need me."

"Sure." Pops said. "Nice to meet you, Roxas!"

"Yeah!" Roxas called back.

We began walking, Roxas with a thoughtful expression on his face and me with a sedate one on mine (which was and wasn't unusual, somehow).

"You said you would tell me what a one-night stand was." He said suddenly. "It's later now, right?"

I choked on air, gawping at him.

"Is it indecent? Like being naked?" He asked curiously.

I put a hand over my mouth, torn between being amused and mortified.

"Please tell me?"

"It's…God, you ask the most awkward questions." I said. "D'you know what sex is?"

He thought for a moment. "Oh…isn't that what humans call it when a male mounts a female and impregnates her?" He asked, as innocently as ever.

"…Something like that, yes. With humans, though, it doesn't have to be a male and female. It can be two males or two females, and even if it _is_ a male and female the female isn't necessarily impregnated."

"But what's the point, then?" He asked. "And why would it be two males or two females? That doesn't make any sense!"

"Humans don't just have sex for procreation. It's a…recreational thing, too."

"Recreational…you mean they do it for _fun_?"

I nodded. "Yes. Which is why some think it's okay for people of the same gender to have sex. We call it homosexuality—sexual and romantic attraction to people of the same gender. I happen to be bisexual, which means I'm sexually and romantically attracted to either gender. If you ask me, gender doesn't matter. Attraction is attraction and love is love, y'know? Riku's completely gay—that's another word for homosexual—though. And I'm pretty sure Pops is at least bi."

"Oh." He considered for a moment. "So…what's a one-night stand?"

"Well…generally, in human society, people only have sex with one person."

"Yes, I know humans mate for life." He said with a nod.

"Right. We call it marriage, by the way. Well, with heterosexual couples at least. Homosexuals aren't allowed to marry, yet, so they're called 'life partners.'" I shook my head, reminding myself to stay on topic. "Anyhow…sometimes people _don't_ get married. There are lots of different situations, but with a one-night stand two people—usually drunk, I think, but not always—will have sex. Then, the next morning, they'll part ways and, presumably, never see each other again."

"…That's all?" He asked. "Cats do that all the time."

"Well, it's different with animals. They don't have sex for fun, and they also don't have emotional attachments. But humans do. Plus, there are lots of other problems for humans. With a heterosexual couple, a one night stand could lead to pregnancy, and with humans it's much better if the child has both parents for at least most of its life. We can't take care of ourselves as quickly as cats and other animals can, y'know? And with _any_ couple there's the chance of a sexually transmitted disease, which could lead to death or even ruin a person's chances of getting together with someone permanently later on. They're not very well looked upon."

"Oh." He said, furrowing his eyebrows in an expression I had come to know as him trying very hard to wrap his mind around human customs that he obviously didn't understand.

"Don't worry about it, Roxie." I said, ruffling his hair. "It doesn't really matter, yeah?"

"I suppose." He said slowly. "But…" He paused, nibbling on his bottom lip. He lifted a hand, then gave his thumb a hesitant, forlorn look and dropped it again.

I grinned, grabbing his hand as I had done in the dream. "But what?" I asked when he looked up at me, startled.

"But what about me? Am I a human, or…am I an animal?" He asked. "Will I feel the emotions you were talking about?"

"Hmm." I frowned. "I…don't know." I turned my gaze to the sidewalk. "Maybe we can ask the woman in the dream?"

"Okay." He said, satisfied with this answer, and squeezed my hand softly.

"God, you fags! Keep it in private!" Someone yelled from their car, guffawing as they sped off.

I grimaced, having never completely gotten used to those sorts of names when I was dating a boy (bisexual, remember).

"What's a fag?" Roxas whispered, eyes wide as he pushed himself closer to me.

"It's just a stupid name that stupid people give gays." I replied. "Not all people accept same-sex relationships. Fucking dumb asses."

"Why would they think we're in a same-sex relationship?" He asked.

"Because…we're…holding hands." I said slowly. "That's usually just something that people in relationships do, unless it's, like, two little kids or a parent and their kid or something."

His hand immediately pulled away from mine. "B-but we're not, right? We're not in _any_ sort of relationship. I…I'm not…I'm not attracted to males."

I smiled at him, hoping that it didn't look as painful as it felt. "Don't worry about it, Roxie. I know you're not gay, and you know you're not gay. So who cares what other people think, right?" I looked ahead, ignoring the flash of confusion I had seen cross over Roxas' face just before he left my field of vision. "Oh, hey! There's the hospital! C'mon, Roxie!"

I sped up my pace, leaving Roxas behind for a moment before he scrambled to keep up, his short legs taking nearly three steps for every one of mine.

"Axel? Axel, what's wrong?" He asked. "Did I say something wrong?"

"No, no, of course not. I'm just anxious to see Sora." I said as we entered the hospital.

"Oh! Hello, Axel. You're early again." Aerith said, smiling sweetly at me. "Who's your friend?"

"I'm not his friend!" Roxas snapped, then shut his mouth quickly, looking surprised by his own outburst. "I-I mean…sorry. I'm Sora's cousin, Roxas Astera."

"Oh!" She said, her smile widening. "I thought all of his family had already visited years ago. It's just some of his closer family that visits nowadays.

"I'm a foster kid, so I move around a lot." He said, smiling easily. "I just got the news a few months ago—I've been trying to get everything in order so I can come ever since, and I finally got it all taken care of."

"That's wonderful!" She said. "Well, Axel knows where his room is, so he can show you the way."

"Any change?" I asked.

Her face fell. "I'm afraid not, sweetie."

I nodded, stuffing my hands in my pockets and starting toward the elevator.

"Axel." Aerith's voice stopped me as I pushed the elevator button. "Axel, you always come, and you always ask me that. You know what my answer will be, but you still ask. And you always look so hurt afterwards…why do you keep asking?"

I smiled at her. "Optimism? Masochism? I dunno, something." I said with a shrug. "The same reason you smile when you're surrounded by sick and dying people all day, I guess."

She nodded slowly. "Right." Then her smile returned. "One day I'll give you a different answer, Axel. Sora _will_ wake up."

"Yeah, I know." I said, then decided the elevator was taking too long, all but busting into the stairwell. I didn't wait for Roxas to keep up, though I heard him yelling at me to slow down. In fact, I didn't slow down at all until I reached Sora's room, my chest heaving with exertion as I entered and practically collapsed into one of the chairs next to Sora's bed.

"Shouldn't you be out killing someone or something?"

I looked up to find a pair of angry blue eyes glaring at me.

That would be Kairi Martell—Sora and Riku's other childhood friend, although she hadn't associated with Riku since about a year after the accident. They had, at first, grown closer to try and cope with everything, even banding together against me. But then one day she had walked in on my talking to Sora about why I had taken him driving in the first place.

She had hated Riku, too, after that. The poor kid hadn't understood what was wrong with her for a while, until she finally yelled it at him. I would have thought it impossible, but he began to hate me even more, then.

"Hi, Kairi." I said, too tired to get up and avoid her like I usually did on the rare occasions that we came to the hospital at the same time.

"Well?" She crossed her arms over her chest. "Leave, would you? I would like to talk to Sora _without_ sitting across from the demon that put him here, if you don't mind."

"—Do something wrong?" Roxas was asking as he entered the room, breathing hard. "I didn't mean to…" He blinked as he realized we weren't alone. "…Walk in on you and a girl?"

"A friend of yours?" Kairi sneered.

"No." I snapped so tersely that both of them jumped a little. "He's Sora's cousin, Roxas."

Her sneer just deepened as she stood and walked towards the door. "Better be careful around the Scáth family, _Roxas_. Axel here has a penchant for putting folks in hospitals, and his faggot brother might just try to molest you." She turned her angry, cold blue eyes on me. "Too bad you can't even kill _yourself_ right, huh? You could've done us _all_ a favor." She pushed past Roxas, slamming the door behind herself.

"…Um?" Roxas' mouth worked open and closed dumbly, an adorably confused expression on his face.

"That's Kairi Martell." I said softly, bringing my legs up into my chair and wrapping my arms around them. "Between her and Riku, I'd say I'm about the most hated person in Twilight Town."

"You put out the sun." He said with an understanding nod.

I looked at him sharply. "How did you know about that?"

He shrugged, turning his gaze on Sora so he wouldn't have to look at me. "I know lots of things, I guess."

"How?" I asked again.

"I'm…I'm not supposed to tell. I don't think you're supposed to know yet." He said, still not looking at me.

"Know _what_?" I demanded. "What the fuck are you talking about?"

"The sun…" He mused, touching Sora's face gently. "I guess that makes me the moon…hiding the sun from view even though it's in plain sight."

"You aren't making any sense, Roxas."

"Eclipses aren't supposed to last ten years." He whispered, more to Sora than me.

Sora took a deep breath, groaning and stirring a little. The beeping of the electrocardiograph that measured his heartbeat sped up. My eyes grew wide.

Roxas' face contorted into a pained grimace, his hand grasping his chest. "That's not fair! I'm finally out of the dark and you want to make me go back again? I'm not ready to go back!" With that, he stood and tore out of the room.

Sora stopped moving with a soft sigh, and the beeping settled back to its normal rhythm.

What.

The.

FUCK?

ENDCHAPTERNINE

 _A/N: Before I say anything else, I would like to say that I HATE the word faggot. It's a horrible word, and I've only ever used it once—I was, like, eleven and didn't know what it meant at the time. Unfortunately, there ARE people in this world that use it, and I understand that. I apologize if it offended anyone like it did me; my intention was to keep the story true to life._

 _And now that that's out of the way…yes. Yes, the ending IS supposed to be confusing. The next chapter is when it all gets explained (in a bit of a roundabout way, admittedly), so just bear with me, okay? I PROMISE it makes sense…mostly. Sort of._

 _And yes, I know I'm crazy. X3_

 _OH! Also: my picture of confused kitty Roxas is up on my deviantArt account! The account's Poison Tonic LX, so look me up!_


	10. Stand Up

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **By** : Ellipsis the Great

I left Sora's room a few moments later, for once at a loss of anything to say to him (usually I could talk for hours…or until I was kicked out; whichever came first) If This Cat Could Talk…

 **By** : Ellipsis the Great

 **DISCLAIMER:** Kingdom Hearts and everything affiliated with it belongs to SquareEnix and Disney. All I own is the plot…

 **Summary:** Axel's therapist suggests that he get a cat to help him get over an accident involving his little brother's best friend. It doesn't take him long to realize that strange things are afoot, however…

 **Rated:** T just in case. May change later on.

 **Spoilers:** None that I know of…

 **Warnings:** Definite yaoi on the horizon, a little angst (obviously), and I suppose I should point out that this is AU…

CHAPTER TEN: Stand Up

I left Sora's room a few moments later, for once at a loss of anything to say to him (usually I could talk for hours…or until I was kicked out, whichever came first). I wandered the halls for a while, searching for Roxas on each floor.

I finally found him in the lobby, talking to Xemnas—a very strange intern with even stranger theories about the connection between the brain and the heart. Something about how every person has a 'dark' side of their heart that stores all of their true memories and darker emotions, etcetera, etcetera, etcetera, and so on and so forth. He had taken a 'special interest' in Sora's case, as well as in a few other cases similar to his.

"…You see, it's my theory that accidents such as your cousin's somehow unlocks the darker side of their heart. I'm trying to find the correlation between that and his coma, but unfortunately there isn't much I can do to prove or even disprove my theory." Xemnas was saying as Roxas regarded him thoughtfully. "I _think_ he's been locked in the same place the darker memories were, which means that locking up that dark portion of his heart would probably wake him."

"That makes sense, I think." Roxas mused. His next question sounded almost nervous. "But…how do you think one would go about locking up the dark portion of a person's heart?"

Xemnas shrugged. "I haven't worked out all of the kinks, yet. But, you know, I heard of a little girl in another town who was in a coma like Sora. She was in a coma for months, instead of years like him, but then one day another girl who was her age appeared. She befriended the townsfolk, and visited the other little girl until one day, just like that, the original girl woke up, and the other girl disappeared." He frowned. "The only thing is that there isn't a lot of information about this. It's mostly just a rumor started by someone in the town—the man who had caused the accident that put the first girl in a coma, as a matter of fact. No one else in the town seems to know about it. It's very, very strange."

"Yeah. Strange." Roxas said, looking a little pale.

"Hey, Roxas." I cut in, blinking when Roxas looked at me like I was a floating log and he was a drowning man. "Xemnas."

"Axel." Xemnas gave me a thin smile.

"Sorry to interrupt, Xemnas." I wasn't really, and Xemnas knew it, so I quickly diverted my gaze toward Roxas. "I just called Luxord; we're going to meet him at the café down the street, if you're ready to go."

"Okay." Roxas said, latching onto my arm and flashing a hesitant smile at Xemnas. "Nice to meet you, Xemnas."

"You, too." Xemnas' polite smile widened into a rather creepy one. "I hope you'll think about what we discussed."

Roxas nodded wordlessly, pressing himself closer to me.

"Let's go, Roxas." I said, extracting my arm from his grip and ruffling his hair. Then I left, with only a short nod at Xemnas and an amiable wave at Aerith, who waved back enthusiastically.

Roxas hurried along after me, reminding me more of a puppy than the kitten he usually was.

"Axel…I'm sorry if I said something wrong." He said as he struggled to keep up with my pace. "I didn't mean it when I said I wasn't your friend."

"It's fine." I said, keeping my eyes facing forward.

"No, it's not." He insisted. "You're angry or hurt or…or _something_ , because you haven't really looked at me since that guy called us fags. And you keep running away. I really _am_ sorry, you know. It's just…this is all happening really fast. I think maybe it was just too much at one time."

"It's not your fault, Roxas. Just leave it alone." I said.

"I _won't_ leave it alone until you _look at me_." He said, his voice growing angry. Then he sighed, leaning into me a little. "Look, Axel, I know I'm really stupid about some things, like how human relationships work and all of the…nuances of your language, but I'm trying as hard as I can. I'm not saying that that's any sort of excuse for being mean, but it seems like a good reason for you to be patient with me. _Please_ try to be patient, and I'll try even harder so I don't have to burden you too much. I promise I'll try not to hurt you again."

"Roxas, it's seriously not a big deal." I said. "I just read too far into it and let it get to me, alright? It's not your fault that you don't understand everything—it's _my_ fault for being stupid about the whole thing. I'll…try to be more patient from now on."

I could actually _feel_ the smile that spread across his face, even before he leaned over so as to look up at me.

"And you'll look at me again?" He asked.

I couldn't stop the laugh that bubbled up in my chest from bursting out of my mouth. It was now quite easy to see that he was a kitten, the little attention hog (cat?).

"Yeah, Roxie, I'll look at you again."

His smile widened. "Good." He said, pulling my arm around his shoulders and snuggling close to me with an impish grin. "We know I'm not homosexual, right? So this is okay."

"Right." I said, laughing again.

"I think this is what most folks call a 'Kodak moment.'"

We looked over at the speaker, a bleach blond man with amused crystal blue eyes.

"It's all blackmail to you, Lux." I said with a smirk as I once again pulled away from Roxas, though this time it was just to give my best friend a manly hug. You know the one, where wrists are clasped and backs are slapped…yeah.

"That's true." Luxord admitted. "And who's this?"

"Lux, this is Sora's cousin, Roxas Astera. Roxie, this is my best friend Luxord Veinardurée."

"Aww, your best friend?" Luxord teased. "You're gonna make me blush, Carrot-top."

"Shut up, Blondie." I said, shoving him gently.

"Anyhow, nice to meet you, Roxas." Luxord said, offering Roxas a hand. "Any family of Sora's is family of mine."

Roxas shook the hand politely. "You, too. And Axel said the same thing…about Sora's family, I mean." He said.

"Ah, hell, Sora's got more family in Twilight Town than most folks do in all of the other worlds combined." Luxord said. "Not literally, of course, but we all love him."

"Even though he's asleep?" Roxas asked curiously.

"Especially because of that. But let's not get into that depressing stuff, eh?" Luxord waved the subject off with a hand. "You guys hungry?"

"You paying?" I asked, arching an eyebrow at him.

Luxord smirked. "Xigbar owes me a few."

I rolled my eyes. "So does half of the town." I said, then turned to Roxas to explain. "Luxord here is the best gambler in Twilight Town—everyone's lost against him at least once."

Roxas mouth formed a cute 'o' as he nodded. "Who's Xigbar?"

"He works with me, and we hang out sometimes. You'll get to meet him in a second." I said, looking back at Luxord. "We going inside, then?"

"Yeah, sure." I said, beginning to head inside, but he stopped me by putting a hand on my chest.

"Just as a warning…the whole gang is here." He said. "And I do mean the _whole_ gang."

What he meant was: 'Riku and Kairi are here.' And although Kairi no longer liked my brother, she would still team up with him when it came to beating up on me.

I sighed, but nodded. It was going to be a long night. "That's fine."

"Oh, and Dem-Dem brought some friends with him." He added as we entered the café, Roxas following close behind me.

"Kairi's the girl from the hospital?" Roxas asked quietly.

"Yeah." I replied vaguely, my body already tense with anxious nerves.

"Hey, Axel!" Demyx exclaimed, waving excitedly from the booth where he, Riku, Naminé, and Lexaeus sat. In the booth in front of them sat Xigbar Baines (a weird guy who worked with me at Cid's), Cloud Strife (Sora's half-brother), and Squall Leonhart (Cloud's boyfriend, who insisted on being called Leon). The booth behind Demyx's held Kairi and her friends Selphie, Lulu, and Wakka.

"Hi, Dem." I said with an uneasy smile.

"Who's the kid?" Xigbar asked, looking behind me at Roxas.

"Another victim of the Scáth family." Kairi spoke up darkly, already glaring at me.

I flinched.

"My _name_ is Roxas Astera." Roxas said, narrowing his eyes at her as he stepped out from behind me and crossed his arms over his chest. "And I'm not _anyone's_ victim. I'm Sora's cousin."

"You serious, mon?" Wakka asked, obviously trying to curtail the impending argument. Wakka was a pretty nice guy, though he was sadly enamored with Lulu. Not that Lulu was a bad person, she was just hung up on Wakka's brother, Chappu, who had passed away a few years earlier while trying to break up a street fight.

"I've never met you before." Cloud said warily.

"Well I should think not." Roxas said, giving the older blonde a strange look. "I've never been here before."

Xigbar let out an amused snicker. "That's Cloud Strife, kiddo—Sora's half-brother."

"Oh." Roxas blushed. "Sorry, Mr. Strife. I'm a foster kid, so I've moved around a lot and I've never met anyone from my genetic family before."

Cloud frowned, but nodded his head just slightly.

"He definitely _looks_ like an Arsalan." Selphie giggled. "He's got the blue eyes and the crazy hair for it, doesn't he?"

"And he's already wormed his way in with the Scáth family." Kairi muttered.

Roxas pursed his lips together, his fierce glare from before returning. "Look, _Kairi_ ," He spat the name out with a surprising amount of venom. "Do you have a problem with me? Because to be quite honest, I don't see what I've done to deserve your attitude."

"You've shacked up with Axel." She replied with just as much anger in her voice, if not more. "That's enough for me."

"He did not 'shack up' with me!" I finally jumped in. "He just stayed the night. There's no reason for him to go to a hotel when he can stay with us."

"Close enough." She hissed. "If he's stupid enough to hang out with _you_ and your brother—"

"I am not _stupid_ just because I hang out with Axel!" Roxas said. "And if that's the only reason you have for not liking me, then I'm rather glad I'm not hanging out with you! At least Axel is _trying_ to be nice to me, and if I decided I wanted to hang out with you, too, then he wouldn't have a problem with it. But so far _you_ have been the most rude, overbearing person I've ever met—as if it's any of _your_ business who I do or don't hang out with!"

She made a disgusted noise. "God, he's already got you wrapped around his finger, doesn't he?"

"It's physically impossible to be wrapped around someone's finger, so no." He snapped.

"Ugh, jeez! I'm _surrounded_ by homo's!" She said, throwing her hands up.

"I am _not_ gay!"

"You really think I didn't see you snuggling up to him earlier today?" She asked acidly. "You're as much of a fag as Riku! You had better stay away from Sora, or—"

"Or _what_?" He demanded, hands balling into fists at his sides. "Listen here, you _dog_ of a woman: I am not gay. I hang out with gay people, yes, but that does _not_ make me gay. Even if I _was_ gay it would be none of your business. If I wanted to go screw Axel sideways in the bathroom it would be _none of your business_. And you have _no_ right to keep me away from my cousin, regardless of my sexual orientation, so don't bother trying."

"I'll do everything I can to keep him away from people like you and _that_ monster!" She threw me a pointed glare.

"People like me? What would YOU know about what sort of people I'm like?" He demanded. "You haven't talked to me except to insult me and Axel—you don't know anything about me except my name and the fact that I'm Sora's cousin! And if you really think Axel's a monster than I'll wager you don't know much about him, either!" His reddening face was getting darker and darker as he spoke, his hands balled into such tight fists at his sides that his knuckles had gone white. "Axel's one of the nicest, sweetest people I've ever met, and if you insult him again I'll show you just how much of a monster someone can be when pushed!"

"Roxas?" Naminé spoke up, standing.

"What?" He snarled. His entire face had twisted into an animalistic expression unlike any I had seen even when he was in his cat form. Even Leon looked a little alarmed. But as soon as he had asked the question that contorted his face, he gasped. His face lost all of its color, then the color returned full force as he dipped into a deep bow. "I-I'm sorry. I got carried away. I didn't mean to snap like that, and…and I'm really sorry, miss!"

Naminé smiled softly. "It's alright." She stepped out of the booth, offering a hand to him. "Will you take a walk with me, please? I'd like to talk to you, if you don't mind."

He glanced at me, and I shrugged. He nodded hesitantly. "O-okay, miss."

"My name is Naminé." She said. "Naminé Martell—I'm Kairi's younger sister." She grabbed his hand and pulled him along after her, looping an arm around his when he got close enough for her to do so. "Come on, then."

Roxas shot me a slightly frightened look, but I just shrugged again as she pulled him out of the café.

"Is that kid stable?" Riku asked.

"Why, because he got angry when Kairi started badmouthing us?" I asked with a frown. "Not _all_ of the people who like me are unstable, as hard as I'm sure that is for you to believe."

"What's _your_ problem?" Kairi asked.

"Oh, _I_ don't know, Kairi, what _is_ my problem?" I asked. "Could it maybe be that for the first time in _ten fucking years_ there's a member of Sora's family who actually listened to my side of the story instead of immediately taking up with you and Riku and everyone _else_ in this town who is bound and determined to make sure I'm miserable for the rest of my life? And maybe he's the only person who isn't paid or obligated to tell me that he doesn't think it was my fault, and he does say it, and he's being completely genuine about it? And maybe, just _maybe_ , for some weird reason, I don't want YOU running off the only good thing that's happened to me ever since I made the worst mistake of my life!"

"You're saying you deserve to be happy? _You_ , Axel?" Riku scoffed.

"What more do I have to do or say to deserve happiness, Riku?" I asked, my voice cracking. "I've done _everything_. I tried to die for it and _you_ stopped me, I've tried not smiling or being happy, I've tried to make sure I can _never_ go near a car again…what more do you want from me? I was a _kid_ , Riku. It was a stupid, stupid mistake, and I'll never be able to atone for that, I know. But I wasn't the one who put Sora in the bed. Maybe I set the events into motion, but _I wasn't the one who got drunk and ran into the car_."

"Don't try to place the blame on someone else!" Kairi hissed. "You went driving before you were old enough just so that you could try to turn Sora into some sort of fag—"

"I was _one week away_ from getting my license!" I said. "You and _everyone else here_ knows I was one of the best drivers you knew! All I was trying to do was calm Sora down because he and Riku had an argument. I wasn't going to try and _force_ him to like Riku back. I thought he already _did_ like Riku; and hell, I'm probably just biased because Riku's my baby brother and I wanted him to be happy with the person he's been in love with since he was too young to know what love _is_!"

"Wait, _what_?" Riku asked, staring at both of us.

"Didn't Kairi ever tell you all of that? Or did she just tell you I was trying to turn him into a fag, and _that's_ why I took him driving? And _you_ couldn't even come and ask me about it, could you? Couldn't come and ask big bad homicidal Axel his side of the story, huh? I don't deserve any chances to explain what happened, do I?" I asked angrily.

"Don't try to delude him, Axel!" Kairi said. "We aren't going to have a pity party for you—no matter what your sick reasons were you still practically killed Sora! And you can _never_ redeem yourself; you will _never_ deserve to be happy! You deserve to _die_! Riku never should have stopped you from killing yourself!"

"Oh, does this make you happy?" I demanded, yanking my shirt sleeves back and shoving my scarred arms in her face. "Do I have enough scars for you, Kairi? Do I need more?"

"Axel, stop that!" Luxord said, grabbing my arms and pulling me away from Kairi, who looked scared of me for the first time.

"No!" I jerked away from him, grabbing a knife off of the table and holding it over one of my wrists. "Tell me, Kairi! How many more scars do I need before you'll be satisfied?"

"Axel, no!" Roxas yelled as he reentered the café, practically tackling the arm that held the knife and wrestling it out of my hand. "No more scars! You promised!"

"Well we _have_ to conform to whatever _Princess Kairi_ wants, don't we?" I asked, still glaring at her above his head. "We all have to fit into her happy little anti-Axel world, right?"

"No! You _promised_ me, Axel!" He said, beating a fist against my chest. "You help me and I'll help you, remember? You promised!"

"What do promises matter when they don't cater to all of Kairi's whims? I don't deserve to be happy, Roxas, I deserve to _die_! I should've already died according to _her_ , so I might as well—"

"Shut up!" He screamed. "Shut up shut up shut up! You aren't allowed to hurt yourself because you _promised_ me and you don't break promises, Axel!" Then he turned on Kairi, slapping her so hard that her face jerked to one side and she stumbled back. "You stay away from Axel, Kairi Martell! You are _not_ going to make him break his promise to me!"

He grabbed hold of my hand and ran out of the café with me half-stumbling to keep up with him, not stopping until we were a few blocks away in a small park.

He turned on me, tears misting up his deep blue eyes as he threw himself into my chest.

"You're so stupid…" He sobbed, hitting me again. "You're _so_ stupid, Axel. You _promised_ me you wouldn't hurt yourself again, and you…you…"

"I…" All that had just happened was finally catching up with my brain, and I could feel the blood draining out of my face. "That's the first time I've ever…oh, God, I'm such an idiot…"

"Yeah, you are!" He said, pulling away so I could see his red-rimmed eyes. "You just told me you weren't going to hurt yourself again _last night_ , and you were gonna cut yourself!"

"I…I stood up to Kairi and Riku." I said. "I've never…I…oh, God…"

"You usually _let_ them say that stuff to you?" He asked. "Your own brother makes you want to hurt yourself?"

"I deserve it, Roxas. I put out the sun…I…"

"No! You're wrong; you didn't put out the sun! That drunk guy did! It's not your fault, and no one should make you feel like it was! Especially not your brother!"

"Riku is the most justified of anyone…"

"No, he's not." He said. "It hurts you the most when he says those things, doesn't it? He's your _brother_ , Axel. You should be helping each other with this, not hurting each other. You're not supposed to hurt your family. Not like that."

"But Roxas—"

He shook his head. "Just shut up, Axel. And swear on Sora's head that you'll never, _ever_ hurt yourself again. Swear that you won't let them talk to you like that again, too. Please, Axel." I could feel his eyes squeeze shut as he whimpered softly into my shirt. "Please? Promise."

"Okay. I promise." I whispered. "I…I swear on Sora's head."

He relaxed against me with a relieved sigh. Then one of his hands grabbed a fistful of my shirt as he stuck his other thumb in his mouth.

"Roxas…" I scolded gently.

"Don't care." He mumbled around his thumb. "You scared me, you stupid human."

"I'm sorry."

"'S okay." He said, and looked up at me. "Can you…would you hold me?"

I smiled and wrapped my arms around him.

He melted into me. "Thanks."

ENDCHAPTERTEN


	11. In Which

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **By** : Ellipsis the Great

You know the drill for a dream, now, yeah If This Cat Could Talk…

 **By** : Ellipsis the Great

 **DISCLAIMER:** Kingdom Hearts and everything affiliated with it belongs to SquareEnix and Disney. All I own is the plot…

 **Summary:** Axel's therapist suggests that he get a cat to help him get over an accident involving his little brother's best friend. It doesn't take him long to realize that strange things are afoot, however…

 **Rated:** T just in case. May change later on.

 **Spoilers:** None that I know of…

 **Warnings:** Definite yaoi on the horizon, a little angst (obviously), and I suppose I should point out that this is AU…

CHAPTER ELEVEN: …The Day Goes From Weird to Weirder

You know the drill for a dream, now, yeah? White room, me in one corner, Roxas (in human form again), the seemingly random body in another corner—it had spiky brown hair—

And, of course, the voice.

" _Are you going to be able to help him, now?"_ The voice was amused this time.

" _Yes. Yes, I think so."_ Roxas said, sitting beside me. _"Thank you."_ He glanced at me, seeming to remember something. _"Oh, but I have to be a cat tomorrow. I'm supposed to meet his…"_

"Shrink." I supplied. "He's supposed to meet my shrink."

" _Silly kitten."_ The voice laughed. _"You are able to choose which form you take. Just say which one you want to be and you will change. But I should warn you that your clothes won't change with you."_

Roxas laughed. _"A cat wearing clothes would look strange."_

" _As would a naked human, I'm sure."_ The voice agreed. _"Is there anything else? I shall have to leave, soon."_

"Is Roxas a cat or a human?" I asked, remembering our conversation from the day before.

The voice was quiet for a moment.

" _Roxas isn't either."_ It finally said. _"But he's both, at the same time. Both and more. You aren't meant to know, Axel."_

"Why not?"

" _You just aren't."_ It said.

"But I want to know." I insisted. "Can he feel human emotions? Or does he just feel cat instincts and stuff?"

" _Roxas can feel whatever he wants to feel."_

" _But I thought you couldn't choose to feel your emotions?"_ Roxas broke in.

" _Real people can't."_

Roxas paled. _"I'm…not real?"_

" _You know what you are, Roxas. And you know why you're here."_

"How can he not be real?" I demanded. "I've seen him, and touched him, and…and he _has_ to be real. He just has to be!"

" _Roxas knows what is he, Axel, and he knows why he's here. That's all that matters."_

"No, it's not." I said. "I should know, too."

" _Perhaps you will, one day, but I cannot tell you, and Roxas won't."_ A pause. _"I need to go. Be careful, Axel. And you, Roxas. Especially you."_

" _I know."_ Roxas said quietly, but I could feel that the voice had already left.

"You won't tell me what's going on?" I asked, hurt.

" _I can't, Axel."_ He said helplessly.

"No, the voice said _it_ couldn't tell me. You just _won't_." I said. "Please, Roxas? I want to understand what's going on."

" _No, Axel."_ He said. _"I…I can't. Not yet. Maybe someday, but…not now. I can't tell you now."_

"Why not?" I asked.

" _I don't know, okay?"_ He asked. _"I just…I just_ can't _."_

"But—"

" _Axel, I can't. Please stop asking me."_

"Please, Roxas."

" _I said stop asking me!"_

"Roxie…"

" _NO!"_

PAGEBREAKPAGEBREAKPAGEBREAK

I was thrown out of the dream with that exclamation, nearly vaulting Roxas off of my chest where he had been sleeping. He was a cat again, and retreated to the edge of the bed, where he proceeded to give me a disgruntled look.

I returned it with a glare of my own.

"You switched on purpose didn't you?" I asked. "Just so you wouldn't have to answer me."

He stared back at me; a blank stare that made me wonder if he was the same Roxas in cat form as he was in human form.

"Fuck it." I swiveled my body around and set my feet on the floor, leaning forward and resting my head in my hands. "Dammit, I have enough shit to deal with already without all of this!"

A soft knock on the door made me look up, my eyebrows knitting together. Someone at my house actually _knocked_?

"Yeah." I said, more curious than anything else, and felt one of my eyebrows inch upward as Riku entered the room. "Riku? You okay?"

He nodded wordlessly, eyes flickering around my room. "Where's Roxas?"

I shrugged, forcing myself not to look at the cat at the end of my bed. "I just woke up. He probably went out for breakfast or something."

Another nod. "I just…wanted to talk to you about yesterday?"

I frowned. "What about yesterday?" I asked suspiciously.

"I…" He hesitated.

He was making me worried—Riku was always sure of himself. Always. I had never seen him like this before.

"Was all of that true? Everything you said to Kairi about…about why you took Sora driving?" He asked nervously.

"Oh, _now_ you want my side of the story?" I asked, my frown deepening.

"Yes." There was the Riku I knew—never one to beat around the bush.

"I didn't mean for you guys to fight like that." I said after a moment's pause. "I just wanted you to come clean with him about it. I mean…you were so scared about it when you came out to me, and I just…I was trying to help, and that's the only way I could think of to do it. So I told him you were gay."

"And then he got mad at me because I didn't tell him myself." He said, with a little smile on his face. "Typical Sora."

"Y-yeah. I guess." I gave him a weak smile, still unsure what to make of all this.

He sat down on the bed beside me. "So? What then?"

"You guys fought. You know that. And it was my fault, y'know? I was just trying to help and I ended up making things worse…and I guess I did the same thing again. I wanted to talk to him alone, and try to smooth things over." I scowled. "I _wasn't_ trying to turn him gay like Kairi thinks, okay? I just wanted you two to be best friends again. And, sure, I was hoping you'd get together eventually, but…that's just because you're my baby brother. You've been in love with Sora for forever. I was rooting for you, and I was trying to help the only way I could think of to do it. If he got used to the idea of you being gay, then maybe he'd think about it and realize he was, too, and then maybe you'd get together." I looked down at my hands. "I dunno. I was just being stupid, probably."

"You do that a lot." He observed, his mouth quirking up a little.

I nodded uncomfortably. Riku hadn't joked like this with me since before the accident, and it was throwing me for a loop.

"Why'd you take him driving, Axel?" He asked. "You could've taken him for a walk…even _you_ know better than to go driving on New Year's Eve, especially that late at night."

"I still don't know why, Riku." I said softly. "I'm sure it made sense at the time. I've thought of reasons—if I took him walking he could take off without really listening to me. If I took a car it'd be harder for people to follow us. I was a week away from my test, so I just wanted to drive for the hell of it." I shook my head. " I'm sure it was probably the last one, but I just…I don't know why I did it. I just don't know."

We were both quiet for a long time.

"When Dad first told me about the accident, I never thought of you." He said suddenly. "I started worrying about Sora right away. I don't think I even registered that you were in the wreck too until Dad said something. And then he said you were fine and I…I got so _angry_. I'm _still_ angry, Axel. I'm angry with you, and with the drunken bastard who did this, and with God…and it scares me, how angry I get…how angry I _am_. But I can't help it."

"You have a right to be angry." I said.

"How can you say that? After everything I've said and done to you…Axel, _you're_ right. You didn't put Sora in that bed. It was all just a big accident. And I know that, I do. But there's a part of me…a _big_ part of me…that won't accept that. I hate you, Axel. I know it's wrong. I know this isn't your fault. But I still hate you."

"I know, Riku." I said, wishing he wouldn't rub it in. As if he hadn't already told me enough times in the past ten years.

"No. I don't _want_ to hate you, Axel. You're my brother, and I _shouldn't_ hate you."

"People don't always feel what they should, Riku. Emotions aren't something you can control."

"Well, I'm going to try." He said with the determination and certainty that always seemed to surround him. "And for what it's worth, I…I'm sorry."

"Don't apologize to me, Riku." I muttered, standing. "I…I have to get ready to go see Dr. Sei."

I could feel his gaze boring into my back.

"Right." My bed creaked a little as he stood, and I tried not to watch him as he left. I was mostly successful, only glancing at him long enough to see him giving me a hard, thoughtful look before he disappeared through the doorway.

I let out a loud sigh and leaned against my dresser.

I didn't know what to make of the situation. Riku had never talked to me like that, even before everything that had happened. He just wasn't the type to lay it all out there, and to ask for someone else to do the same. And everything that he had said…

It was an emotional overload. A bleeding mindfuck, if you will.

I decided not to think about it, and grabbed some clothes.

PAGEBREAKPAGEBREAKPAGEBREAK

"Would you like to talk about Sora today, Axel?" Zexion asked as I settled into my seat.

I shook my head slowly, pulling Roxas out of my pocket. "I got a pet like you asked me to." I said as I set him on the desk. "His name's Cricket."

Zexion nodded, only glancing at the cat for a moment. "That's good. So?"

"So, what?" I asked, frowning. "I've only had him for a few days—what do you want me to say?"

"I want you to say whatever you want to say." He said.

"What am I _supposed_ to say? It's a cat, Zex! A _cat_! How is he supposed to help me?"

"I told you, it's just an experiment. I want to see if taking care of something will help you. The cat itself is just a means to that end." He said.

I snatched Roxas off of the desk and cradled him to myself. "Don't talk about him like that, huh?"

"Mhm." Zexion nodded, scribbling in his notebook. "Well, it might take a few weeks for there to be any progress. What would you like to talk about today?"

I sank into my seat with a huffy sigh, petting Roxas and looking at him so I wouldn't have to look at my therapist.

"Sora's cousin showed up the day before yesterday." I said after a few moments of silence. "His name's Roxas Astera. He's an orphan, and he's been getting passed around to different foster parents, which is why he didn't find out before now."

"Alright. Tell me about him." Zexion said, threading his fingers together and resting his chin on them.

"He's…nice." I said.

Roxas jumped out of my lap and began wandering around the room.

"He's staying with us right now so he doesn't have to stay in a hotel. And he…found out about my scars." I said, fiddling with the ends of my shirt sleeves.

"And…?" He prompted.

"And he made me promise not to cut again." I said, a tiny smile creeping to my face. "He's a sweet kid. He's got this…he sucks his thumb. When he gets nervous and stuff. So…I made him promise not to do that. He helps me and I help him…even if I haven't cut in years."

"How old is he?" Zexion asked, frowning.

"I dunno…a little younger than Riku, maybe? He doesn't talk about himself much." I noticed that Roxas cringed a bit when I said that. Good. "But he doesn't think the accident was my fault. Oh! And yesterday Lux took us to the café for lunch, and Kairi and everyone else was there. And Roxie stood up for me. It was like…I dunno. No one's ever stood up for me like that before. I mean, Lux does a little, but not like this. Kairi started badmouthing us—something about Roxie shacking up with me and me being a monster—and Roxie just…went off on her. It was…it was the most amazing thing I've ever seen."

"Go on."

"And I… _I_ stood up for myself, too. Naminé took Roxie outside to talk to him…I dunno what about, but…anyhow, Kairi started mouthing off about him, and I just…" I shook my head. "He's the first member of Sora's family to not immediately hate me. I mean, most of them don't have too much of a problem with me, but…it took them a few years. Even Cid doesn't really like me most times. And I didn't…I _don't_ …want to lose that. So I…stood up for him, and I stood up for myself, and…it was terrifying, and amazing, and… _freeing_. I went too far with it, I know, but—"

"How did you go too far with it?" He cut me off.

"Oh…well, she started going on about how I deserved to die, so I picked up a knife and asked her how many more cuts it would take for me to deserve to live." I said, a little embarrassed. "And then Roxie came back in, and…God, he was so mad. He even _slapped_ her. And then he pulled me out of the café and we went home."

"Well…it sounds like he's good for you, Axel." Zexion said carefully. "You should bring him in sometime. I would encourage you to try to…reign in your responses to the things Kairi says, though. It's wonderful that you're finally standing up for yourself, but you shouldn't threaten yourself in order to do that, alright?"

I nodded. "Roxie yelled at me for it later."

"Good." He said. "Is there…anything else you would like to talk about?"

I hesitated, contemplating whether or not I should bring it up.

"Well…Riku came and talked to me this morning?"

Zexion's eyebrow arched upward. "Just to talk?"

"He wanted to know what really happened the night of the accident." I said. "Why I took Sora driving and all. It was…really weird."

"No, no that's good. In fact, that's _very_ good. I was starting to worry that he would hold onto this forever. It was beginning to seem unhealthy; I was very close to calling him in here himself." He said. "Your brother's actions and reactions have _greatly_ influenced your condition, Axel. If he can move past this and forgive you, I'm sure your condition will vastly improve."

"I guess so." I said uncertainly. "But he said he still hates me. He's still angry."

"Of course." He said, seeming to have expected this. "You can't just flip a switch with these sorts of things. I'm sure it will take a while—maybe even years—for him to fully get over all of this. Ten years is already a long time, but…your brother moves slowly. He holds onto things."

"You don't have to tell _me_ that." I muttered.

"Yes, of course." He agreed easily, shuffling some papers. "Well, I'm very proud of you, Axel. I think you've come along very well in the past few days. If you keep this up…well, we won't go into that. Just keep it up."

I nodded, standing. "Alright. Thanks, Dr. Sei."

"You're welcome, Axel." He said.

We shook hands.

"I'll see you next week. Why don't you bring Roxas? Or Riku; it would be nice to have a session with either one of them here with you."

"Alright." I said as I scooped Roxas up into my arms. "See you."

He waved again, following me out to call in his next patient.

I took a deep breath and let it out with a smile as we exited the office, setting Roxas in his customary perch on my shoulder. I felt better than I had in a long time.

"Oi, Ginger!"

I looked over at Luxord, who was pushing himself off of the wall he'd been leaning on.

"Hey, Blondie." I said.

"How was it?" He asked with a pointed glance at the building.

I shrugged. "It was alright. We just talked for a while." I winced a little. "And, ah…I'm sorry about yesterday."

"Nah, man." He clapped me on the shoulder (the one Roxas wasn't on). "It's about time you stood up to those two. But that Roxas kid?" He shook his head. "You sure know how to pick 'em, Ginger."

"What happened after we left?" I asked weakly, not sure if I wanted to hear the answer.

"Not much." He said with a shrug. "At least, not that I know of. Kairi started getting mouthy again so I told her she'd best shut up if she didn't want to get slapped again and left."

My eyebrows rose. "But you don't hit girls. Ever."

"Before now, my rule has always been that I don't hit girls unless they hit me or mine first, but…I was rooting for the kid when he hit her." He winked at me and smirked. "The line's a bit blurry, I guess."

"Yeah." I said. "You…don't think I took it too far?"

"Sure I do." He said with a roll of his eyes, as if it had been a stupid question. "You shouldn't threaten to hurt _yourself_ , dumb ass. But considering it's the first time you've ever even _tried_ to stand up for yourself…" He mussed my hair. "I'm proud of you, Ginger."

"Yeah, yeah." I punched his arm.

"And seeing as how you missed dinner last night, and I'm _such_ a good guy, Xiggy's agreed to take us out again." He said brightly, throwing an arm around my shoulders.

I chuckled. "Alright, sure."

"The kid's welcome to come, too." He said. "If you know where he is."

My eyes flickered toward Roxas for a moment. "He might be at the house already. He left early this morning, though—before I woke up—so I dunno. We could go check real quick."

"Right." He nodded towards Roxas. "You gotta drop off the demon cat anyhow."

I made a face as we started walking. "You been talking to Pops?"

"Riku, actually. He says it's a regular little attack cat." Luxord laughed loudly.

"Sic 'im, Cricket." I drawled, jumping a little when Roxas arched up and hissed.

"What the fuck, man!" Luxord jumped back, eyes wide. "I thought he was joking! Holy Jesus Christ son of the Virgin Mary!"

"Cricket, stop. I was _kidding_." I said, nearly as surprised as Luxord. Roxas let out a small snort, jumping up onto the top of my head and settling into my hair.

"Dude, your cat is _glaring_ at me." Luxord said, mouth twitching as he stared up at Roxas.

"He does that." I sighed. "Cricket, behave."

Luxord watched, fascinated, as Roxas stood up, turned around, and sat back down again, his tail hanging in my face.

"Dude…that is _really_ creepy."

ENDCHAPTERELEVEN


	12. Breakdown

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  _**If This Cat Could Talk…** _

"We never really got to introduce ourselves before

 _  
**If This Cat Could Talk…**   
_

**By** : Ellipsis the Great

 **DISCLAIMER:** Kingdom Hearts and everything affiliated with it belongs to SquareEnix and Disney. All I own is the plot…

 **Summary:** Axel's therapist suggests that he get a cat to help him get over an accident involving his little brother's best friend. It doesn't take him long to realize that strange things are afoot, however…

 **Rated:** T just in case. May change later on.

 **Spoilers:** None that I know of…

 **Warnings:** Definite yaoi on the horizon, a little angst (obviously), and I suppose I should point out that this is AU… **Also, this chapter was a slightly…explicit?…scene near the end. Not sex, just…violent…ish.**

CHAPTER TWELVE: Breakdown

"We never really got to introduce ourselves before." Xigbar thrust his hand out at Roxas as we sat down in a booth at the café after 'picking Roxas up' from my house. "The name's Xigbar, kiddo. Xigbar Baines."

"Roxas Astera." Roxas shook Xigbar's hand politely even as his lips quirked downward at being referred to as 'kiddo.'

"Hey there, guys!" Rikku Highwind, Sora's _real_ cousin, said as she practically skipped up to our table.

"And aren't you looking mighty fine today, Miss Highwind?" Luxord asked with a leering grin.

"Don't I always?" She asked, fluttering her eyelashes prettily. Rikku and Luxord shared a decidedly odd relationship where they flirted with each other all the time but never seemed to go past being 'just friends' (even though most of us thought they would make a good couple).

"That's true." Luxord said, nodding and allowing his grin to spread further across his face.

"So what do you boys want to drink?" Rikku asked, giggling and rolling her eyes.

"I'll take a Coke." I said.

"Ahm…green tea, please." Luxord said after a moment's thought.

"Cheeriwine." Xigbar said.

"Do…you have milk?" Roxas asked hesitantly.

"Sure we do, hun." Rikku said with a smile, scribbling our drinks down and tucking her pen behind her ear. "I'll be right back, guys."

"Milk?" Xigbar snickered. "What are you, five?"

"So he likes milk; give him a break." I said, waving Xigbar off with a hand. Then I turned my gaze back to the menu I knew by heart. "What's everyone getting?"

"Dude, I get the same thing every time I come here." Xigbar said, his menu already at the edge of the table.

The café, you see, was situated about a block away from Cid's garage, and was the closest food place to go when we were on break. Well, except for this pizza place right across the street, but no one in their right mind went there…unless they wanted to buy drugs or actually liked urine as a topping…but I think that rules out the 'in their right mind' stipulation. Anyhow, this was where we pretty much always went on our breaks. I had tried everything on the menu at least three times, but Xigbar always ordered the same thing: a cheeseburger with ranch dressing and bacon (I know it sounds beyond weird, but it's actually pretty good) and seasoned fries.

"Are you not _sick_ of that, yet?" I asked, making a face.

"Nope." Xigbar said with a smirk.

"Hey, Axel, what's this?" Roxas asked, pointing at a picture on the menu. The others couldn't see what he was pointing at and probably thought nothing of it, but I winced inwardly as I realized that Roxas probably couldn't read.

"That's fish and chips." I said. "You'll probably like it."

He nodded, still perusing the menu with a thoughtful frown on his face. Then, with another nod (this one seemingly directed toward himself), he looked up at me.

"Can you let me out? I need to use the comfort box." He said.

I stifled a laugh and stood up so he could get out of the booth. "It's over there." I pointed to the bathrooms.

"Thanks." He said, shoving his hands in his pockets and walking that way.

I turned back to the other two, who were staring at me with identically disconcerted expressions.

"The comfort box?" Luxord asked disbelievingly.

I shrugged. "That's what he calls the bathroom. I dunno why."

"Right." Xigbar said slowly, then both of them fixed me with expectant looks. "Well…he's a cute kid, I guess."

"Yeah…" I said, a little hesitantly.

"You seem to get along with him." Luxord said.

"Uhuh…"

"He seems to like you." Xigbar added.

I frowned. "Okay, guys, you're seriously starting to creep me out. What's up? You got a problem with Roxie, or what?"

"We're creeping _you_ out?" Luxord asked incredulously. "Axel, we've been trying to get you to pull your head out of your ass for _ten friggin' years_ , and then this kid shows up and within—what, two or three days—you stood up to Kairi like you do it every day?"

"What're you talking about?" I asked. "You've been trying to _what_?"

"Pull your head out of your ass." Xigbar said. "Before the accident you didn't take any shit from _anyone_. Afterwards, it was like…I dunno, like you _wanted_ people to give you shit. You've gotten a lot better; I mean, you only take shit from your brother and Kairi, now, but…"

"We figured it'd be _another_ ten years before you stood up to one of them." Luxord finished for him. "You usually get all quiet and nod or something. And…well, I wasn't lying to you earlier when I said I was proud of you, but you still kinda freaked me out."

"I was just…sick of it, I guess." I said. "And she didn't have any right to rag on Roxie like that; she doesn't know him at all."

"Axel, _you_ hardly know him." Luxord pointed out.

"I know him well enough to know that she _didn't_ know what in the fuck she was talking about." I said. "She's never attacked one of my friends like that before. She's never even bitched about Riku in front of me…well, until yesterday, at least."

"Look, man, we aren't saying it's a _bad_ thing." Xigbar said, holding his hands up in surrender. "We're just saying it's really weird."

"Now that I think about it, the first time you ever stood up to anyone else was because you were defending me." Luxord said thoughtfully. "So I guess it does make _some_ sort of sense. It's still weird, though."

I shrugged again, returning my gaze to my menu.

"He _is_ pretty cute, though." Xigbar said, reiterating his earlier comment.

I frowned and glanced up at him. "Your point?"

"Do you have a crush on him, Ginger?" Luxord asked.

"No!" I said immediately. "Roxas is _straight_ , Lux."

"I didn't ask if he was straight, Ginger." Luxord pointed out. "I asked if you have a crush on him."

"You sound like high school girls digging for the latest gossip." I snapped, hoping my cheeks weren't as red as they felt.

"Yeah, so?" Xigbar asked. "We're your friends, dude. We gotta look out for you!"

"Especially since you hardly ever look out for _yourself_." Luxord added before demanding, "So do you like him or not?"

"No." I said as firmly as I could manage. "He's just a friend, okay? Besides, like I said before: he's straight. So even if I _did_ like him, it wouldn't matter."

"Uhuh." They exchanged a glance.

"Sure you don't like him." Luxord rolled his eyes.

"Who doesn't Axel like?" Rikku asked as she strolled up, a tray of drinks balanced precariously in one hand. "Here ya go, boys."

"You're an angel, Rikku." Luxord said as he took a sip of his tea.

"So…?" Rikku prompted.

"We think ol' Ginger here has a crush on the new kid." Xigbar said teasingly.

"He what?"

I ducked my head at the sound of the familiar voice, glancing almost fearfully at Roxas, who was looking at me with a bewildered expression on his face, head cocked to one side.

"Erm…nothing." Luxord said, clearing his throat and giving Xigbar a look.

"Okay." Roxas shrugged. "Can I get in, Axel?"

I nodded, too mortified to say anything, and got out of the booth, sitting down after he had slid in behind me.

"You guys ready to order?" Rikku asked, pulling her pen out from behind her ear.

"You know what I want, Ri." Xigbar said.

She laughed, nodding and scribbling down his order.

"I don't suppose I'm allowed to get _you_ , am I?" Luxord asked smoothly.

"'Fraid not, Lux." She winked at him saucily.

Luxord sighed dramatically. "Then I guess I'll just have to settle for the chicken tender plate."

"I'll have the chicken club sandwich." I said without hesitation. It was one of my favorite things the café served, though it wasn't always really good—it depended on who was cooking that day.

"Vexen's cooking today." Rikku said, giving me a reassuring smile.

"Ah, sweet!" Vexen himself was a Grade A Bastard, but his chicken clubs were delicious.

"May I have the fish and chips, please?" Roxas asked when she looked at him, pinning her with what I immediately dubbed his 'begging kitten face.' If I'd been Rikku, I'd have gone right then and made the food myself!

…Maybe I felt a little more strongly for him than I thought. Shit.

"Sure thing, sweetie." Rikku said, smiling brightly at him. "I'll be right back, boys."

Now…for the sake of the story, I'm going to fast-forward things to after we'd eaten. We didn't talk much. Xigbar and I were both the types who could not be talked to until after we'd finished unless you wanted a hand bitten off. Roxas, of course was too shy to do anything beyond replying when spoken to, and Luxord spent most of the meal flirting with Rikku as she passed us or refilled our drinks. Loser.

Ahem. After the food. Right.

After paying (well, after Xigbar paid), we had said our goodbyes to Rikku (Luxord's was overly dramatic, of course) and left. Our plan was to go to the mall and shop for supplies for my birthday party, which was scheduled for four days hence…on my birthday.

Go figure.

Anyhow, after that we planned to go to the hospital to visit Sora, and then we would all go to our respective homes.

But…let's just say the Murphy's Law came into effect then.

Everything that can go wrong, _will_ go wrong.

In this case, 'everything' could be summed up in two words…a name, in fact.

Kairi Martell.

She pulled up beside us as we walked to the mall in her little baby blue Beetle, the convertible top opened. Lulu was sitting in the seat beside her, frowning. Wakka and Selphie sat on the back seats, both looking distinctly uncomfortable.

Kairi was smiling.

I started to shake.

I didn't like cars, remember. I could hardly stand them when they were turned off and jacked up, forget about being around them when they were up and running.

"Hi, guys." Kairi said sweetly.

"Kairi." Luxord gritted out as politely as he seemed able.

She revved the engine, and I felt the blood drain out of my face.

" _Axel, that guy up there's swerving a lot."_

I shook my head and tried to even out my breathing, tried to push Sora's voice out of my head, tried not to envision his face over Roxas' when he gave me a concerned look.

"Are you okay, Axel?"

"It's fine." I said. Had said to Sora. _"It's fine."_

" _But he doesn't—"_

"But you don't look so good." He put a hand on my arm.

"It'll be okay." Was I talking to Roxas or Sora? I wasn't sure anymore. Oh, shit.

Oh, God.

"Not feeling too good, Axel?" Kairi asked.

The engine revved again.

 _The car got closer, seeming determined not to stay in its lane for any great length of time._

"Stop it, Kairi."

" _Axel…"_

"It's the tenth anniversary today, Axel." Kairi said. "Today's the day they told us—"

"— _We don't think Sora is going to wake up any time soon. Maybe never."_

Where was I? _The walls were white_ —no, we were outside. No walls.

 _Glass windows, leather upholstery, Sora sitting beside me…_

Oh, God.

"Axel?"

Roxas' face broke through my near-hysteric thoughts.

"You need to leave, Kairi." Xigbar said. "Come on, guys."

"Oh, but—"

"— _That guy still isn't staying in his lane, Axel!"_

I jerked back, _swerved out of the way_ , cursing frantically _as the car tipped over the low shoulder._

" _Axel!"_

"Axel!"

 _Oh God oh God oh God now Sora was closer to that lunatic than I was and his body was tense and scared and pressing against the seatbelt—_

—And the car caught the sun behind Roxas' head—

— _Creating a halo of light around it, and his eyes were so wide and scared and—_

—Blue, so blue. I grabbed him— _tried to grab him_ —and pulled him away— _tried to get him out of the way_ —from the street, hitting the wall with a surprised and frantic yell— _tried to switch places so he wouldn't get hurt, but that damn seatbelt was in the way and those headlights were way too fucking close—!_

Kairi's wheels screeched against the pavement, a frightened expression on her face as she peeled away.

 _The sharp screech of the tires trying to stop turned into the sharp screech of metal against metal, and then there were_

 _Screams. I heard screams. A name. A familiar name, and voice…Sora…? No, though that was the name. The voice…oh, it was my voice. I could feel my throat burning; that's how I knew it was my voice, and I could see_

 _Blood. There was so much blood. My blood, his blood…oh, God, it was everywhere. On the windows, on the leather upholstery, on the seatbelt, on my face, in my mouth._

 _Could someone survive after losing this much blood? Could Sora? Could I?_

 _The seatbelt finally came undone and I caught him as he fell, pulling him close to myself and screaming and screaming and screaming until I heard_

 _Sirens. Oh, thank God, sirens. I tried to stop screaming, but the screams just turned into cries. I cried and I cried and I cried and the firemen tried to pull him out of my arms, but I wouldn't let them until finally_

Someone hit me

And I blacked out.

PAGEBREAKPAGEBREAKPAGEBREAK

"I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry." I chanted, rocking back and forth in my corner of the white room just as I had been when the dreams first started.

" _Axel, please calm down."_

"I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm—"

" _Axel!"_

I stopped, looking up at the face that was Sora's and Roxas'. A sob tore out of my throat and my head fell down onto my curled up knees.

Even the dream voice wasn't able to talk to me anymore.

ENDCHAPTERTWELVE

 _A/N: Yes, this is what happens every time Axel is around a running car. Yes, Kairi knew that. And yes, she exploited that fact because 'today' was the day they found out Sora was in a coma. Understandable and yet…XP_

 _And NO, I don't hate Kairi. In fact, I strongly dislike Kairi bashing…but as I've said before, it's necessary for my plot for her to be a bad girl. She's already caused two major events already, yeah? So…yeah. I'm not really Kairi bashing, I'm just using her for my own needs. So there._


	13. Loneliness is Dark

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  _**If This Cat Could Talk…** _

"Axel, wake up

 _  
**If This Cat Could Talk…**   
_

**By** : Ellipsis the Great

 **DISCLAIMER:** Kingdom Hearts and everything affiliated with it belongs to SquareEnix and Disney. All I own is the plot…

 **Summary:** Axel's therapist suggests that he get a cat to help him get over an accident involving his little brother's best friend. It doesn't take him long to realize that strange things are afoot, however…

 **Rated:** T just in case. May change later on.

 **Spoilers:** None that I know of…

 **Warnings:** Definite yaoi on the horizon, a little angst (obviously), and I suppose I should point out that this is AU…

CHAPTER THIRTEEN: Loneliness is Dark

"Axel, wake up. I don't want you to sleep forever like S-Sora is. Please, please, wake up."

Wha…? Something wet hit my hand, and my eyebrows scrunched together in response.

There was movement beside me, and someone picked up my hand, pressing a pair of soft lips against it.

"Please, wake up, Axel. I don't want to be alone again. The loneliness is so dark."

I didn't want this person to be alone, either. It was the strangest sensation—as if my heart was just realizing that it could beat, all because of this person. Like it had forgotten, or like…it had never been there before.

"I'm sorry, hun, but visiting hours are about to end."

The person dropped my hand, and my heart went with them, leaving a painful, gaping hole in my chest.

"No! No, please, let me stay this time. If I leave again, I…I don't have anyone else. Please…"

"I don't make the rules, Roxas."

Roxas…? Who was…oh!

"Roxie?" At least, that's what I was trying to say. It came out more like, "Rfxme?"

"Axel?" He took my hand again, and I sighed as the pain in my chest eased. "Oh, Axel, you scared me so much!"

"Doctor! Dr. Weiss, he's awake!" Hurried footsteps.

"'M s'ry." I slurred as I slowly blinked my eyes open. Roxas' face filled my vision, wearing a relieved expression mixed with something else I didn't quite recognize. It was almost…almost like the way Riku used to look at Sora—like I was the only person in the world that mattered.

"You should be!" He said, his eyes filling with tears. "You…I didn't know what to do! You just started screaming and…I couldn't get you to stop, even when we were dreaming!"

"Hey…" I pulled my hand away from him and put it on his cheek, smiling a little as he immediately nuzzled his cheek into it. His hands reached up to cover it like he was afraid I would pull away again. "Don't cry, Roxie. C'mon, please? I'm sorry."

He sniffled loudly. "I was just so…scared that you were gonna…leave me, and…" He hiccuped. "I don't want to be alone again, Axel."

"You're not, you're not." I assured him, sitting up. "How long was I out?"

"Three days." He said. "Today's the fourth day…and it's your birthday, too."

I smiled. "Well, I had to wake up for presents, right?"

He laughed weakly, leaning forward and kissing my cheek. Then he laid his head down on my shoulder, not seeming to mind the awkward angle.

"Excuse me, gentlemen." There was a soft, almost hesitant knock on the door.

Roxas sat up as we both looked over at Dr. Ansem, who stood in the doorway looking rather embarrassed to have walked in on us…or something.

"I just need to do a few quick checks, and then you should be able to go home, Axel." He said, entering the room.

"Okay." I said. Roxas took my hand and squeezed it gently before moving out of Ansem's way.

"Happy birthday, by the way." Ansem said as he bustled around the room, doing things that I won't even begin to try and understand…or explain. I have _no idea_ what he was doing half the time. I could probably place partial blame on Roxas, who I kept glancing at throughout because he was staring at me as if he was trying to figure something out.

"Thanks." I said. "How's…I mean, why'd I sleep for so long?"

"Part of that was waiting for the sedatives to wear off." He said. "When your friends brought you in it took a little more than the normal amount to get you to calm down. I was afraid we had given you an overdose for a few moments, but you turned out fine. After that…I can only guess that your mind was repairing itself from the…mental anguish it had been put through. You have slept for fairly long periods of time after having these episodes before, so it was not entirely unexpected, but this one lasted substantially longer."

I nodded. "Alright. So…?"

"I do not think there is anything to worry about." He said with a reassuring smile. "I suspect it hit you so hard this time because it has not happened in so long. You were doing much better about it up until now—I think your last episode was almost eight months ago."

"Yeah." I said.

"I am going to go call your father and tell him you have woken up, and once he is here we will release you." He said, giving me and then Roxas a little wave as he left.

I pulled myself up, sitting cross-legged and patting the space in front of me so Roxas would sit down, which he did.

"So how's everyone been?" I asked.

He shrugged. "I dunno. I, um…" He looked down, blushing. "I haven't really left the hospital since we brought you in."

"Oh." I felt my cheeks heating up to match his.

"But they've seemed okay when they came to visit." He said. "Even…even _she_ came to visit, once."

"Kairi?" I asked incredulously.

He nodded. "She said she was sorry."

I blinked at him. "She…did?"

"Yeah. She said…well, she'll talk to you later. It's probably better to hear it in person anyhow." He said decidedly. "I think she's finally realizing how much she's been hurting you."

"I guess." I said, uncomfortable with the idea. I had spent so long taking everything she threw at me because I thought—I _knew_ —I deserved it…

"Her friends were pretty upset, too, when they came. They feel guilty about letting her do it." He continued. "And Xigbar and Luxord feel bad about not getting you away sooner."

"It's none of their faults." I protested.

"That's what I told them you'd say." He said with a small smile. "You're not the kind of person to blame someone else." Then his smile turned into a frown. "Unless that 'someone else' is _you_."

I laughed. "I guess that's true." I said. "Thanks for…you know, staying with me."

He shook his head. "They kicked me out a lot." He said with a sigh. "They kept saying that only family can stay after visiting hours so I had to come back the next day. I just slept down in the lobby." He looked away from me. "Aerith said it was cute."

"I'll bet it was." I said, wondering if I should have felt as honored and grateful and…and in love as I did. My heart was fluttering again, and I wished it would stop. Roxas was _straight_. Loving him meant hurting myself…again.

"I even came in as a kitten once." He added. "I got all the way up to your room—I had to use the stairs, too!—and then that black-haired dog of a nurse caught me jumping up onto your bed and threw me out." His bottom lip jutted out into the pout I had become so accustomed to seeing when he didn't get his way. God…I couldn't stop loving him if he kept doing stuff like that.

"Aww, Roxie!" I reached up and ruffled his hair. "You poor little kitten."

"It's not funny!" He said, an angry and embarrassed blush re-coloring his cheeks.

"You're right—it's adorable!"

"Shut _up_ , Axel!" He exclaimed, reaching up and slapping my hands away. "You're such a jerk!"

"And you love me for it!" I sang teasingly.

He stopped struggling for a moment and gave me an odd, pensive look. Then he scowled.

"I think I liked you better when you were sleeping." He said.

"Well, fine, maybe I'll just—" I leaned back into my pillows, closing my eyes.

"No!"

The absolute desperation in his voice made my eyes snap back open, meeting his. We stared at each other for what seemed like forever, then—"

"Axel!"

—Pops burst into the room, Riku following close behind.

"Oh, thank God!" Pops said, throwing his arms around me. He let out a shaky sigh, cradling me in his arms as best he could. "Oh, God, Axel, you scared me so fucking much. My son…oh, God, thank you thank you thank you."

"I'm fine, Pops." I said, vastly uncomfortable. Pops, as goofy as he was, really wasn't one for showing the more 'serious' emotions. Ever. "You shouldn't worry so much."

"How can I not worry?" He asked, pushing me away and fixing me with a harsh glare. "You and Riku are all I have left, Axel. If you…if you _leave_ me, I don't know…dammit, Axel, just never scare me like this again." He hugged me again, resting his cheek on the top of my head. "You've given me enough gray hairs as it is, okay?"

"Okay." I said softly, returning the embrace hesitantly. "I'm…I'm sorry, Dad."

"Me, too." He said. "Me, too, Axel."

We just…stayed like that for a while. Pops seemed perfectly content where he was, and I think I was in a state of shock. Like I said before: I wasn't used to him acting like this. He was usually so…I dunno, happy and weird…that I think I—well, everyone—forgot he was actually a father.

When he finally pulled away, he first dropped a kiss on my forehead, mussing my hair. I made a face at him, but didn't really do anything about it.

"You really…had us worried, for a while." Riku finally spoke up. "I've seen you…doing some bad stuff before…" I think both of us flashed back to the day he caught me trying to kill myself. "But I've never seen you…like _that_ before."

I shrugged wordlessly, still unused to his new non-hating-Axel behavior.

"So…how's everyone been?" I asked. "Roxas couldn't really tell me much."

And suddenly the Pops I was used to had returned, smirking as he slapped a hand on Roxas' shoulder.

"This little guy has hardly left your side the past three days!" He said. "They actually had to sedate _him_ the first day. Aerith says the only time he wasn't somewhere in the hospital was when that demon of yours got in…we figure he smuggled it in, because she said he showed up a few minutes later and didn't seem surprised by the scratches on Tifa's face."

"Scratches?" I arched an eyebrow at Roxas, who blushed yet again.

"Oh, yeah, she got quite a few nasty ones getting Cricket out of here." Pops laughed. "I forgot how badly she freaked out about animals being in the hospital."

"I didn't." I heard Roxas mutter, rubbing his side, but luckily neither of the others seemed to have heard him. I suppressed a smile.

"Any changes with Sora?" I asked.

"No." Pops said, sobering a little. "But his parents visited once."

I winced. Tidus and Yuna Arsalan…the two people in Twilight Town who I had been physically unable to look at (much less confront) for the past ten years.

"They'll be glad to hear you woke up." He added.

"Why?" I asked, genuinely confused.

"Axel…they don't hate you." He said. "Maybe they were angry at first, but…they know it isn't your fault. Hell, everyone in Twilight Town knows it isn't your fault."

Riku grimaced.

"You should talk to them sometime."

"They're always in the hospital by around noon." Roxas added. "At least, they have been the past three days. You could go talk to them then."

"I…I can't." I said.

"Sure you can." Pops rolled his eyes. "If I have to, I'll call and bring them in here before you're released, and have Tifa guard the door to make sure you don't leave. You need to talk to them."

"Pops, I…"

"No. You're stronger than this, Axel. You always have been." He insisted. "You _need_ this."

"But I…Pops, I can't talk to them. How can I? I destroyed their son. Their only child."

"No, you didn't." Riku said. "That drunk did. You just…you were just in the wrong place at the wrong time."

"C'mon, Axel." Roxas said with and encouraging smile. "Please? I'll even stay with you if it'll make you feel better."

I sighed. Triple-teamed by three of the most important people in my life. How very typical.

"Fine. I'll…I'll try." I said. "Tomorrow."

"Actually, you can do it tonight. I called them, and they said they wanted to come talk to you." Aerith said, suddenly appearing in the doorway. And behind her…

"Hello, Axel."

Sora's parents.

ENDCHAPTERTHIRTEEN


	14. Forgiveness is Key

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  _**If This Cat Could Talk…** _

CHAPTER FOURTEEN: Conversations Galore

 _  
**If This Cat Could Talk…**   
_

**By** : Ellipsis the Great

 **DISCLAIMER:** Kingdom Hearts and everything affiliated with it belongs to SquareEnix and Disney. All I own is the plot…

 **Summary:** Axel's therapist suggests that he get a cat to help him get over an accident involving his little brother's best friend. It doesn't take him long to realize that strange things are afoot, however…

 **Rated:** T just in case. May change later on.

 **Spoilers:** None that I know of…

 **Warnings:** Definite yaoi on the horizon, a little angst (obviously), and I suppose I should point out that this is AU…

CHAPTER FOURTEEN: Forgiveness is Key

The three of us—Tidus, Yuna, and I—sat in complete silence for quite some time after the others left (it took several minutes to convince Roxas that it was okay to leave). I stared at my hands during most of that time, but glanced up at the couple often enough to know that they were watching me. Waiting.

"I'm…so, so sorry." I finally said, as sincerely as I could manage with my throat closing up like it was. "I didn't…I never meant to…God, I'm sorry."

"Oh, Axel." Yuna sighed.

"I would do _anything_ to—"

"You don't need to do anything, Axel." Tidus said. "You never did."

"But I—"

"But what? Axel, what did you do wrong?" Yuna asked.

"I took Sora out and…" I trailed off, suddenly unsure of myself because of the way they were looking at me.

"You were just a kid, Axel." Tidus said. "And you were trying to help your brother and Sora."

I blinked and looked up at them.

"We've heard you talking to him." Yuna explained, the corners of her mouth tilting upward. "I don't think I've ever heard of anything so…sad and sweet."

"You _were_ being kind of stupid." Tidus said, ignoring the disapproving look his wife gave him. "That's obvious; it was… _unbelievably_ stupid of you to go out on New Year's Eve. But you're just human, Axel. You make mistakes; it happens."

"Most mistakes don't land an innocent kid like Sora in the hospital for ten years." I said.

"No, they don't." He agreed with a nod. "But that doesn't change the fact that it was a mistake. I know… _we_ know you didn't mean for Sora to get hurt. Just listening to you…you would never purposefully do something that would hurt your brother or Sora. You and Sora were just in the wrong place at the wrong time."

"A few minutes later or earlier and that guy would have missed you, Axel." Yuna said. "It was a horrible, horrible fluke."

"I'm still sorry." I whispered.

Yuna moved forward, wrapping her arms around me before I could do anything to stop her.

"Axel, you were forgiven a long time ago." She whispered.

I cried.

PAGEBREAKPAGEBREAKPAGEBREAK

I was released from the hospital about half an hour later, stopping by Sora's room with Tidus and Yuna to say a quick hello. Then we (all of us) left together, intent on going home for a late dinner. Pops had invited the Arsalans over for pizza.

I should probably add that I practically tackled Aerith as she came into the room to check on Sora, thanking her until I was red in the face from lack of air. Even Roxas laughed at me.

So…we were going to dinner.

Pops had one arm around my shoulders and the other around Riku's. Tidus and Yuna were holding hands, and Roxas stood between them and me, hands in his pockets.

You remember the last time this happened, right? Me, walking down the street with some friends with plans to have some sort of fun, ruined by…

That's right, you guessed it.

Kairi Martell.

Again.

Only this time she wasn't in a car, or with _her_ friends, or looking particularly malicious.

She was alone, sitting on a bench, and…

…Crying?

It was so odd and purely coincidental that for a moment I thought it was some weird plan to freak me out again.

"Kairi?" Tidus spoke first.

She froze and looked up, her crystal blue eyes wide and still shimmering with unshed tears.

"M-Mr. Arsalan." She hiccuped.

"Kairi, sweetie, what's wrong?" Yuna asked.

"He's free." She said, bursting into a new bout of tears. "They're letting him go. They're letting that _monster_ free!"

Everyone looked at me when she said that.

"They were bound to let Axel out of the hospital sometime, Kairi." Riku said carefully.

She looked up again, this time with an expression of complete and utter confusion. "Axel?"

"Yeah. The monster." Roxas said with a scowl.

"Not _him_." She said. "Why would I be crying about _that_?"

"Then what monster are you talking about?" Pops asked. "Some other innocent kid who accidentally hurt someone you like?"

"No." She snapped, standing. "Not some innocent kid who accidentally hurt someone. That…that _thing_ was never innocent! And he didn't do it on accident! He stole three years of my _life_!" Then her angry energy seemed to flood out of her as she slumped back onto the bench, putting her face in her hands. "Oh, God…"

"Sweetie, you're going to have to calm down and tell us what's going on." Yuna said, sitting beside her and putting a hand on her back. "What are you talking about?"

"I'm talking about Xehanort Kimball." She said, picking up the newspaper that had been sitting beside her and handing it to Yuna.

Yuna unfolded it, her eyebrows rising as she read out loud:

" _Xehanort Kimball was released today by the Traverse Town Parole Board. Kimball was convicted of the kidnap of four-year-old Kairi Martell twenty years ago, and sentenced to forty years with a chance at parole. Kairi Martell was held against her will for five days by Kimball, whose reckless driving while running from police resulted in a three-year coma for young Martell. For more on this story, turn to Page 6._ "

"You…my God, Kairi." Yuna covered her mouth with a hand.

"They're releasing him." Kairi said. "He talked me into getting in the car with him…he was a close friend of my family, and…I was only four, Yuna. He took _three years_ of my life from me, and now they're letting him go."

"This…is why you were so upset about Sora." I said softly.

"I got so angry." She said. "It was…it was too close to what happened to me. I don't remember the crash, but I remember waking up and thinking that I was too big to be me, and then my grandma told me what happened. Suddenly I was seven years old, and I didn't remember any of it. When they told us that Sora wasn't going to wake up, I just…lost it."

"Oh, Kairi." Yuna said.

"I guess I just…pushed Xehanort's image onto Axel." She said, looking at me. "I mean…you took him, Axel. You took him driving on New Year's Eve, and you got in a car wreck and walked away while he got put into a coma. It felt like I was going through it all over again, only from the other side. I kept waiting for you to get arrested for it, and then when you _didn't_ …I didn't understand. It was so obvious that it was your fault…" She shook her head. "But it _wasn't_ your fault, Axel. I understand, now."

"It took you ten years to figure that out?" Roxas asked tersely.

"I talked to Xehanort, once." She said, not answering Roxas' question. "He wasn't at all sorry about what he'd done. He was…he was _proud_ , y'know? Every time I heard Axel talk…I guess I expected him to be the same way. He wasn't supposed to be _sorry_ about what happened."

"I _am_ , Kairi. I'm _so_ s—" I began.

"I know, Axel." She cut me off. "I'm sorry, too. I didn't…I shouldn't have…well, I'm sorry." She looked down. "I figured out that you were different from him a long time ago, Axel. I was just using you to…to make myself feel better about it. And just when I was starting to…you know, get over it, he…he went up for parole." She wrapped her arms around her legs. "You're an easy target, since you never fight back. I took everything out on you. It was worse since now's the time when Sora…when the accident happened. And now…now he's _free_."

"You can yell at me if you want." I said.

She laughed hollowly. "I'm sorry, Axel. I've been such a bitch the past ten years…God, I'm so sorry."

"It's okay." I said.

"You're being too forgiving again." Roxas said, obviously displeased.

"That's part of what makes him so different from Xehanort." Kairi said with a smile, reaching out and grabbing my hand. "You're a good guy, Axel. I'm sorry I tried to ruin that."

"Don't touch him." Roxas growled. "You just put _him_ into a coma, remember? As far as I'm concerned, _you're_ the one who's like Xehanort!"

"Roxas!" I hissed as Kairi recoiled.

"No! I'm not as forgiving as you, Axel, and I _won't_ forgive her for what she did to you!" He said.

"Roxie, don't be an ass." I said, grabbing him and pulling him into a hug.

I felt him begin to relax, and then he jerked away from me, glaring.

"Don't _do_ that!" He said. "This isn't funny, Axel!"

"Roxie…"

"Don't call me Roxie!"

I started to say something, but our argument was interrupted by the sound of the others laughing at us. I started laughing, too, thinking how silly we must've looked. Roxas tried to stay mad, but eventually he gave up and laughed along with us.

"You want to come to our house for pizza, Kairi?" Riku asked, probably trying to make his amends with her, as well.

She shook her head. "I've gotta head home. I just came out here to think." She said.

"Maybe we could hang out tomorrow?" He asked.

Another head shake.

"We're moving back to Traverse Town, Riku." She said with a rather sad smile. "We moved here to get away from all that happened, and now…now we're going back to show him that he doesn't control our lives anymore."

"Oh." He said, looking down.

"But I'll come visit, okay?" She promised, throwing her arms around him. "I'll come back, and we can catch up and go visit Sora together."

"Okay." He said, returning her hug awkwardly. "Yeah, I'd like that."

"And maybe you could come, too, Axel?" She asked as they parted, giving me a hopeful look.

"Sure." I said, not entirely sure if I would be able to do so. As much as I _said_ I'd forgiven her…it's hard to forgive the person who made your life hell for ten years.

She must have detected my hesitancy, because she became subdued suddenly, stuffing her hands in her pockets and ducking her head a bit. "Right. So…later, then." She said.

I bit my lip as she turned and began walking away.

"Kairi." I said, the name almost forcing itself out of my lips. She turned back. "I'll try."

Though everyone else gave me an odd look, she seemed to know what I meant if her smile was anything to go by. She nodded and started walking again, this time with a touch more of a skip in her step.

Maybe life was starting to look up again.

ENDCHAPTERFOURTEEN

 _A/N: I told you Kairi's actions would be somewhat justified eventually._

 _And although this wasn't purposeful…does anyone other than me find it ironic that in the actual games Kairi was kidnapped by both Xehanort AND Axel…? XDD Wow, I need help._


	15. High Points and Eyebrows

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  _**If This Cat Could Talk…** _

We walked in awkward silence for a while after Kairi left; none of us were sure what to say about it, and I think none of us felt like we could talk about anything else just then

 _  
**If This Cat Could Talk…**   
_

**By** : Ellipsis the Great

 **DISCLAIMER:** Kingdom Hearts and everything affiliated with it belongs to SquareEnix and Disney. Shooting T3h Flybomb belongs to the SAPC Anime Club, and specifically myself and the other officers of said club.

 **Summary:** Axel's therapist suggests that he get a cat to help him get over an accident involving his little brother's best friend. It doesn't take him long to realize that strange things are afoot, however…

 **Rated:** T just in case. May change later on.

 **Spoilers:** None that I know of…

 **Warnings:** Definite yaoi on the horizon, a little angst (obviously), and I suppose I should point out that this is AU…

CHAPTER FIFTEEN: High Points and Eyebrows

We walked in awkward silence for a while after Kairi left; none of us were sure what to say about it, and I think none of us felt like we could talk about anything else just then.

But then Roxas proved that he still wasn't completely versed in the ways of humans by being the first to overcome the awkwardness—not by changing the subject, but by grasping something no one else would've thought to comment on and…well, commenting on it.

"I don't understand why you're forgiving her." He said, recovering some of his earlier anger on the matter.

I shrugged. "I just am, Roxas."

"That's not good enough." He said. "Axel, she's ruined your life for the past _ten years_ and suddenly she says 'oops, it was a mistake' and that makes everything okay?"

"No, of…of course not, but…it's complicated, okay? I don't want to hold a grudge like she did, Roxas. That'd ruin my life just as much as she did herself." I said.

"But why is it so…easy for you to do?" He asked.

"Because…I don't know, Roxie. I really don't. But it's like…she looked at me and saw that Kimball guy, just like I look at cars and see that drunk guy. It's not our faults that we see those things, but that's what we see. We can't help it."

"So you're going to be able to look at a car one day, and suddenly you're just going to realize that that's not the car that put Sora in a coma?" He asked incredulously.

"I don't know, Roxas!" I said, frustrated. "I just…I don't know."

"Calm down, boys." Yuna said, sounding a little amused. "Roxas, sometimes these things don't have a logical explanation. It's like…why Sora won't wake up even though the doctors say there's nothing wrong with him anymore."

Roxas blanched.

"And there's the house, yo!" Pops spoke up suddenly, obviously trying to diffuse the situation. He didn't deal well with long bouts of seriousness. "What does everyone want on their pizza?"

"We're ordering out again, huh?" Riku sniggered.

" _You_ want to cook, then?" Pops demanded, flushing a shade of red that clashed beautifully with his hair.

"No, that's alright. The fire department said they wouldn't come anymore after last time." Riku said, holding his hands up in surrender.

"That's what I thought." Pops said smugly, unlocking the door and throwing it open in a manner that was a little over-exuberant even for him and switching on the lights.

"SURPRISE!" A surprisingly big group of people chorused, jumping out of their hiding places.

"Holy—" I exclaimed, rocking back on my feet, eyes wide.

"Happy Birthday, Axel!" The crowd yelled, laughing at the expression on my face.

"And welcome home, you green-eyed twit!" Luxord added with a snicker.

I recovered enough to make a face at him, but not enough to dodge the heavy hand of Rude, my dad's partner, as it slapped my back. The slap was probably gentle for Rude, but I stumbled forward with the knowledge that I would more than likely be sporting a nice, tender red mark on my shoulder for the rest of the night.

I smiled weakly at him, wishing he was more of a vocal person instead of being physical. But as long as I stayed at least his arm's length away from him, my dad would probably be the one to bear the brunt of his…well wishing.

Yeah.

Anyhow, the night slipped into an oddly normal party after that. I say 'oddly' because I hadn't actually had a birthday party since my mother passed away. I'd mostly just gone out with friends for the day, and maybe went out to eat with Pops and Riku for dinner.

Roxas stuck next to me for the first half-hour or so, before Naminé arrived with Demyx (I suspected something was going on there, but decided to leave it alone). Naminé kidnapped him with only a teensy half-smile at me by way of explanation.

But I could only worry about him for a quarter of a moment before Demyx was chattering away in my ear about how great it was that I was awake and that it was my birthday and blah, blah, blah, and so on and so forth.

A normal "conversation" (monologue?) with Demyx, basically.

Holy hell—much as I loved him, that kid could _talk_.

Luckily for me, Demyx has the attention span of a goldfish, and Riku soon diverted said attention. I suspected Riku might've been saving me (Riku, somehow, had the patient of a saint when it came to hyperactive teens like Demyx), but that could've been wishful thinking.

Naturally, I set about finding Roxas once Demyx had pried himself off of my arm. I chatted with Lux and Xiggy for a few minutes, walking away before they could force me to try one of their concoctions that may or may not have been alcoholic. I swore off drinking, remember?

"Besides, wouldn't you rather try it out on _Rikku_?" I asked teasingly, pointing at the girl in question as I slipped away from them.

…Hmm. I wondered offhandedly if I might have set the poor girl up for a tumble, then decided it was none of my business if she didn't know any better than to drink something those two had made.

"…Almost time, Roxas."

My ears perked up at the sound of Naminé's voice, and I leaned against the wall beside the door it was coming from, head cocked to one side.

"But I'm not ready. What if—"

"No 'buts' or 'what ifs,' Roxas. You knew this was going to happen."

"But I…Naminé, I can't."

"Well…you're going to have to. If you don't do it yourself…I don't want to think of what might happen."

"I know. I just…it's not fair."

"It's not fair to _you_." She said. "But you…as much as I hate to say it, Roxas, you don't matter. You're just…you know."

"I know." He said again.

"You might be able to come back." She pointed out weakly.

"Don't lie, Naminé. I ruined everything and you know it." He said miserably. "How am I supposed to…to just…?"

A pause, then a sigh. "Just…do what you can to get ready. You only have a few more days."

Roxas didn't say anything, though I got the impression that he'd nodded his head.

"Hey, what's going on?" I asked; knocking on the frame of the door and flashing them a teasing grin. "Why the long faces?"

Roxas shook his head, eyes trained on the floor.

"We were just talking about…stuff." Naminé said, giving me a sweet smile that didn't reach her eyes.

"You mind if I steal Roxie?" I asked, grabbing his hand as I spoke. I didn't comment when I felt him squeeze my hand, as if he was looking for comfort. "I think it's almost time for cake."

"That's fine." She said, her smile dangling at the edge of her eyes.

"C'mon then, Rox." I said, pulling him away. He stayed close to me.

"Axel." He said softly as we walked. "Can I…can we talk after everyone leaves?"

"Sure, Roxie." I said, concerned. "You okay?"

He nodded. "Yeah. I just need to…to talk to you about something."

"Alright." I said.

"Yo! Everybody to the living room!" Pops' voice yelled. "We've got cake and presents!"

I smirked—Pops was really predictable, even after all this time. Cake and presents happened no earlier or later than an hour and a half into the party. After an hour, people started trickling away, which meant more cake for the rest of us (and more leftover cake for Pops), and most people left soon after if it happened that late into the party because most of the good conversations were done with. And that, of course, meant that he got to send kids home after they'd overdosed on sugar.

Sadistic bastard.

"Happy birthday to you," Pops began in his off-tune tenor.

I think people picked it up so quickly more because they wanted to drown him out than because they actually wanted to sing. But I didn't linger too long on the thought as I caught sight of the cake, which was decorated to look like a yellow cat. I heard Roxas gag on air beside me, and a glance at his face told me that he was caught between amusement and outrage at the poor likeness to his cat form. I laughed, especially when I saw that they'd given the cat red, demonic eyes.

"You guys are awful." I snickered.

"Yeah, well…" Pops glanced pointedly at Tifa, who rolled her eyes and tried not to look angry about the fading scratches on her face. "Just blow out the candles, you goof."

I held back the retort that was hanging on the edge of my lips, blowing the candles out with one easy huff of air.

"I got dibs on the first slice!" Xigbar yelled.

I brandished the cake-cutter at him. "Birthday boy's first, you old fart."

"I'm prematurely silver!" Xigbar snapped, glaring at me.

"You're older than me. Therefore, you're an old fart." I said, cutting the cake. "Here, Roxie."

"You said you got the first slice." Roxas protested as I shoved the plate at him.

"I just said that so I could call him an old fart and piss him off." I said with a shrug as I continued divvying up the cake.

Roxas rolled his eyes, sitting in a nearby chair as Pops handed out the rest of the cake.

"Besides, he might as well not get a piece now." Pops said. "He's gotta open presents."

"Sure, make it sound like you're forcing me." I said, grinning as I eyed the pile of gifts at the other side of the table.

"I just want you to know what a pain in the ass it was to actually _shop_ for your present this year, you ginger-haired bastard." Luxord piped up, scowling at me.

"Yeah—I'm so used to just dragging you to the mall and letting you point at stuff." Demyx said.

"I apologize for making you two strain your brains. I hope you didn't overheat anything." I said as genuinely as I could.

Luxord slapped me upside the head.

"Here; mine first!" Demyx chirped, either ignoring the statement or too ADD to care.

"Alright, Dem, don't piss yourself." I said as I took the small gift from him and opened it. "Dude, I didn't know Shooting T3h Flybomb's newest CD was already out!"

"I have connections." Demyx said with a rather eerie smile.

"You slept with the store owner, didn't you?" Rikku accused dramatically. "I knew it! How could you, Demyx?"

"I did not!" Demyx shrieked. "That guy is greasy and yucky and _old_!"

"What about the _assistant_ manager?" Larxene sniggered.

Demyx blinked, head tilting to one side. "But Naminé's the assistant manager."

Naminé made a funny choking noise, her entire face going red.

"I'm disappointed in you, Naminé." Larxene sighed.

"But I…we didn't!" Naminé gasped.

"Larxene, shut up." Riku rolled his eyes. "Axel should've set you on fire when he had the chance."

…Before you ask, it's a long story that involves the time she dragged Demyx, Riku and I to that car show, and is one of the reasons the fire department gave us up as a lost cause.

Larxene pulled a face, but shut up, giving me a wary look.

"I wouldn't do that." I said innocently, waving a hand.

"Not with this many witnesses, at least." Luxord added.

…

"Moving on." I cleared my throat before Pops could jump in (he tended to overreact…a lot), grabbing the next gift.

"That's from me!" Xigbar said.

"If you gave him another lighter I'll castrate you." Larxene said.

… _Long. Story._

"It's not a lighter." Xigbar said, shifting into a subtly defensive pose. "It's—"

"Fake eyebrows, you _ass_." I hissed, glaring at him.

Xigbar sneered. "Well, yours keep disappearing."

"Just because I'm well-groomed—"

"Well-groomed does not mean nonexistent eyebrows!" He said.

"They're not nonexistent!"

" _Almost_ nonexistent, then." He retorted.

"Why you—!"

"Boys." Rude said, picking both of us up by the back of our shirts and giving us his 'Don't fuck with me, bitches' look.

"Got it." I muttered, giving Xigbar one last icy glare before Rude set us down.

"We could've sold tickets, yo." Pops whined.

Rude gave him his 'look,' and Pops shut up. Though he did throw in a pout that made Rufus titter.

Yes, titter. If you don't know what it means, look it up.

I'm going to skip the rest of the gift opening for the sake of time restraints and my own waning attention span (I have the attention span of a fintail, which is a step up from a goldfish, yes-please-thank you). In fact, I'm going to skip the rest of the party—I'm pretty sure I hit all of the high points.

…Is it sad that one of the high points was an argument over my eyebrows (or lack thereof)?

Moving on…

We all know the part you're interested in, anyhow, right?

Which is…

My conversation with Roxie, of course.

ENDCHAPTERFIFTEEN


	16. Oh, Love

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  _**If This Cat Could Talk…** _

"You wanted to talk to me

 _  
**If This Cat Could Talk…**   
_

**By** : Ellipsis the Great

 **DISCLAIMER:** Kingdom Hearts and everything affiliated with it belongs to SquareEnix and Disney. All I own is the plot…

 **Summary:** Axel's therapist suggests that he get a cat to help him get over an accident involving his little brother's best friend. It doesn't take him long to realize that strange things are afoot, however…

 **Rated:** _M. THIS CHAPTER IS RATED MATURE FOR MENTIONS OF SEXUAL SITUATIONS BETWEEN TWO BOYS. IF THIS OFFENDS YOU, PLEASE SKIP THAT PART (it will be marked like this_ _ **:**_ _lemon_ _ **:**_ _)_

 **Spoilers:** None that I know of…

 **Warnings:** Definite yaoi on the horizon, a little angst (obviously), and I suppose I should point out that this is AU…

CHAPTER SIXTEEN: Oh, Love

"You wanted to talk to me?" I asked as we headed upstairs to go to bed after everyone had gone and we'd finished cleaning up.

"Yeah…" Roxas sighed hesitantly, slipping past me into my room and sitting on my bed and staring at his hands.

"So…?" I prompted, sitting beside him. "Roxas, you're okay, aren't you? Is something wrong?"

"Yes…no…it's…" He shook his head. "It's difficult. I, um…" He took a deep breath and finally looked up at me. "Axel, you know why I'm here, right?"

"You're…supposed to help me." I said slowly.

"And…and you understand that I…that I'm supposed to leave once you're better?" He asked.

"But I'm not better yet." I balked. "You aren't leaving, are you?"

"No, but I…you're getting a lot better every day. I won't be able to put off leaving for much longer." He said.

"I don't want you to leave, though."

"I _have_ to, Axel!" He said. "I can only stay as long as there's something wrong with you."

"But…but I…"

"The only way to help you is to help Sora, remember?" He asked.

"How are you supposed to help him?" I asked. "You're…you're just…"

"A cat?" He asked.

"No! _No_." I said firmly. "You're not just a cat, Roxie. You're so much more than that, and…"

"And that's why I'll have to leave soon." He said.

"Why? Why do you have to leave? I'm not better yet, Roxas—I still freak out around cars, and I still can't really face Riku and Kairi, and…"

"And you're so much better than you were a week ago…I was only really supposed to stay long enough to get things started, Axel. I've overstayed my welcome." He said.

"You're _always_ welcome here, Roxas." I insisted.

He gave me a bittersweet smile. "I know, Axel."

I started to say something else, but he shook his head. I stopped, and we sat in silence for a few long, awkward moments.

"I didn't get you a birthday present." He said abruptly.

"You didn't have to, Roxie. You're here, aren't you? That's enough for me."

He giggled, leaning into me. "I don't have anything of my own to give, anyhow." He admitted softly.

"That's okay." I said, putting an arm around his shoulders.

He stiffened for a moment at the sudden contact. Then he looked up at me, seeming almost shy. "There is…there is _one_ thing I could give you." He whispered.

I smirked. "And what's that? You're undying _love_?" I asked teasingly.

He froze, his eyes widening, and pulled away from me. "I'm sorry, I…"

"Wait, you…you're serious?" I asked, putting a hand on his arm. "That's what you were talking about?"

"I'm sorry it's not much." He said, eyes filling with tears. "I still don't understand human ways, Axel. All I know is that when I'm around you, I…I forget that I was supposed to hate you for what you did to Sora. Or…what I thought you did to Sora. And I forget that I'm supposed to leave…that I'm supposed to be helping you. And…and my skin feels hot when you touch it, and I get this funny, fluttery feeling in my stomach when you smile at me, and when you laugh I feel like I have to laugh, too, and…and I was talking to your dad…while you were sleeping, I mean, and…he said that's what love is. So I thought…I…I'm sorry."

"No, no, hey." I snagged him around the waist as he stood to run away, pulling him into my lap. "I'm the one who should be sorry, okay? I didn't mean to insult you. I thought I was being sarcastic since you…I thought you were straight?"

"Not when I'm around you." He said with a hopeful smile. "It's…is that okay?"

"Of course it is, you silly kitten." I leaned my face close to his ear, smirking when he shivered at the sensation. "I love you, too, got it memorized?"

His eyes widened. "R-really?" He asked, his voice breathy.

"I never say anything I don't mean, Roxie." I said. "Especially not when it involves something like this."

That dazzling smile of his spread across his face. "So can I…can I give you a kiss?"

I grinned. "All this talk about having nothing to give, and your gifts are already my favorites." I said, leaning closer to him.

He wrapped his arms around my neck and himself up, pressing his lips against mine in a shy, but sincere kiss. It might have stayed like that—just an innocent kiss—but I pushed forward. I had to—he tasted like cake and pizza and something else that was sweet and sour and Roxas, and I had to get a better taste of it. And he pushed back, murmuring something that might have been my name but was too muffled to really make out. But then, of course, I had to keep pushing; I'm the competitive sort, you know. And as luck would have it: so was Roxas.

 _ **:**_ So we kept kissing harder and harder, and eventually I flipped us over and pressed him into the bed, and his hands wandered down over my chest and up inside my shirt and why was it suddenly so drafty in my room? And then we were both naked and warmer than we'd been with clothes on and _closer, closer, closer_. And yeah, then we had sex.

Or make love, if you want to get mushy about it—and I do, so shut the fuck up.

And you know how some people describe it as a fire, with an 'explosion of white' and all that?

It was _so_ much more than just a plain fire.

It was a smoldering flame in my stomach that flared out to everywhere he touched me and then flickered and spread and _licked_ against my insides and outsides and then an even hotter flame was all around me, encompassing me and emanating from inside me, and it burned so good and _oh God oh God oh_ _ **Roxas**_ _ooh—_

Okay. The explosion of white is true. But it wasn't just white—well, it was at first, but then other colors fell in around me and there was _Roxas, Roxas, Roxas I love you love you love you, too_. _ **:**_

And then the last of my shudders were fading away and I was just able to roll off of him before collapsing onto the bed, and he sighed and curled into my chest.

"Love you." I whispered, feeling his smile more than seeing it.

"Love you, too." He whispered back.

But our satiated euphoria was not to last for long.

"In love, are you?"

We both turned to look at Riku, who was leaned against the frame of my bedroom door, a positively murderous expression on his face.

"Happy, too, I suppose?" He asked, his smoldering aquamarine eyes narrowing into feral slits.

"Riku—" I began.

"Shut up, you bastard." He practically snarled, pushing himself away from the doorframe. "You stupid, heartless _bastard_. Since when are _you_ entitled to happiness while Sora's still practically dead? Why are _you_ allowed to be happy when _my_ happiness is confined to a hospital bed?"

"Riku, please…"

"Please? _PLEASE_?" He shrieked. "Please _what_ , Axel? Please leave you and your fucking whore alone so you can get back to your 'love' and 'happiness' and fucking? You God damned son of a bitch! I _finally_ start trying to forgive you, start trying to put the blame where it belongs, and you decide to do _this_? How dare you even _consider_ being happy when Sora…he's…" He shook his head once and tore off down the hallway, his bedroom door shutting behind him with a sharp slam.

"Riku! Riku, wait!" I fell to the floor with a loud thump in my haste to follow after him, pulling on boxers and a shirt as I stumbled to my feet.

"Axel?" Roxas spoke hesitantly.

I hardly glanced at him. "I have to talk to him." I said, running after Riku.

"Riku? Riku!" I ran into his door, the knob clasped in my hand as I tried futilely to turn it.

"Go away, you asshole!" Came the mostly muffled reply. He had probably buried himself in his pillows; it was an old habit he had apparently never grown out of.

I sighed, frustrated in spite of the fact that he had been like this ever since the accident. I reached into a small niche near Riku's doorway that few knew about, as it was usually concealed behind his open door (he only shut it if he was upset). From it came a small, oddly shaped stick of metal, which I had, when I was younger, shaped to fit into the keyhole to Riku's door. Once upon a time, I had been the only person who could calm him down when he was upset; even Sora hadn't been as good at it as I was.

But that was a long, _long_ time ago.

I unlocked the door, opening it slowly and carefully; I was still inherently wary of flying projectile missiles (and trust me, if you've ever been hit by something an angry Riku has thrown at you, you know an actual missile very nearly pales in comparison).

When nothing came, I threw the door the rest of the way open, practically barreling across the room to Riku's bed. I tore the blankets off his curled up figure, sitting beside him and gathering his now openly weeping form up into my arms. He was nearly too big for it, now, but my arms were abnormally long and even then I didn't care. My baby brother was far more important than my comfort.

"I'm sorry. I'm so, so sorry." I said. My voice was scratchy and garbled thanks to the way my throat had suddenly clogged up. "I'm so stupid, Riku, I'm so stupid. Please, please, please don't be mad. I won't touch him again, I swear."

"It's not fair." He sobbed. "Why should you be happy? Sora's…Sora…"

"I'm sorry. I'll make him leave. I won't be happy, if that will make you happy. I promise, I'll never be happy again. I'm so sorry, little brother."

" _Sora_ will make me happy!" He said, curling into me. "Only Sora."

"He'll wake up. I'll find a way, Riku. Please don't be sad. Stop crying, shh."

"How can I not be sad, Axel? He's gone. He's gone, and…and he's not coming back."

"He isn't dead yet!" I insisted. "How can you say he's gone? There's still hope, Riku! He'll wake up one day, I promise!"

"When, Axel? When he's so withered away that he can't do anything for himself anymore? He'll die if he has to live like that!"

"I promise you'll be happy again someday." I said firmly. "It'll be okay, Riku. It will."

"No, it won't! It won't ever be okay again!"

"You have to keep hoping, little brother." I said, making him look up at me. "I promise—I _swear_ —if there's ever anything I can do, I'll do it. I'll give blood, I'll give up Roxas, I'll _die_ ; I'll do anything for you and Sora. I will. Maybe this isn't my fault, and maybe it is, but either way I'll do anything and everything I can to fix it. It _will_ be okay one day. Don't give up on Sora. Please, little brother."

"But it's so hard." His cries were softer, now. Was it perverse that he took comfort in the fact that I would give up everything for his happiness?

"I know. I know, but I'm here. Big brother's here, and I'm gonna do everything I can to help. I'll take care of everything."

He shuddered and collapsed against me in another bout of tears, his previously limp hands reaching up to clutch my shirt. "Why can't I be happy?"

I didn't have an answer for him, so I just let him cry.

ENDCHAPTERSIXTEEN

 _A/N: …I apologize for the overall crappiness of my lemon. It's my first one, and I've only ever even written a handful of kiss scenes before, so…yeah, it's rather deplorable. T3T_

 _And before anyone asks: Yes, Riku has been TRYING to get over his belief that Sora's situation is Axel's fault. BUT he hasn't quite gotten over the mentality that it's Axel's fault, and therefore Axel should live in a state of permanent misery, yet. And since this happened so soon after he started trying and Kairi apologized and all that…yeah, he's really upset about it. And you have to admit: if it had been intentional (or if they'd stopped to think about it for a minute and continued regardless of the repercussions), it would've been a really shitty thing to do._


	17. Giving Up

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  _**If This Cat Could Talk…** _

We lay still for a few moments, our breathing labored, but eventually I was able to slide off of him, rolling to one side and smiling groggily when he snuggled into my side

 _  
**If This Cat Could Talk…**   
_

**By** : Ellipsis the Great

 **DISCLAIMER:** Kingdom Hearts and everything affiliated with it belongs to SquareEnix and Disney. All I own is the plot…

 **Summary:** Axel's therapist suggests that he get a cat to help him get over an accident involving his little brother's best friend. It doesn't take him long to realize that strange things are afoot, however…

 **Rated:** T just in case.

 **Spoilers:** None that I know of…

 **Warnings:** Definite yaoi on the horizon, a little angst (obviously), and I suppose I should point out that this is AU…

CHAPTER SEVENTEEN (Final Chapter): Giving Up

" _You're going to give me up?"_

Roxas' voice was more forlorn than I had ever heard it.

"I have to, Roxas." I curled up in my corner as I hadn't for many dreams. My gaze turned from him to the corner where the shapeless body lay. Only it wasn't shapeless anymore…

It was Sora.

" _But…Axel, I don't understand. You said…you love me. And we…"_ He trailed off, obviously embarrassed. _"Doesn't that mean we're life mates?"_ He asked, kneeling by my side.

"I do love you, Roxas, but I love my baby brother, too. It's a different kind of love, but…Riku has to come first. I ruined…I ruined _everything_ for him."

" _But you_ _ **aren't**_ _the one who ruined everything, Axel."_

"It doesn't matter. I can't just…rub it in by being happy with you." I said. "I'm sorry."

We were both quiet for a long time.

" _You would give everything to have Sora back?"_ He asked, not looking at me. _"For Riku to be happy…?"_

I nodded. "Yeah, I would. I'd give everything up for him."

" _Even me?"_ His voice was so tiny I hardly heard it.

I paused. "…Yes." I admitted finally, in a soft whisper. "Even you." I leaned against him. "He's my brother, Roxas. My baby brother. My _only_ brother. How can I not do anything and everything for him? He…I can't ever have another brother. If I lose him…I mean, I've already mostly lost him, Rox. But you and I could get together any time."

" _Any time after Sora wakes up?"_ He asked bitterly.

"I promise. And if he never wakes up, I'll find you in the next life, okay?"

He let out a biting laugh, tears streaming down his cheeks. _"Sure. The next life."_

I looked away from him. "It's time for me to wake up, now. So I guess…this is goodbye."

" _Yeah."_

"We'll be together someday, Roxie." I assured him as the dream began to fade away.

He put an almost ghostly hand on my cheek. It almost looked like…he was disappearing.

" _Stupid…just because you'll have a next life…"_ He whispered, pressing ephemeral lips against my cheek.

And then he was gone, and Sora's eyes opened.

PAGEBREAKPAGEBREAKPAGEBREAK

The bed was cold when I woke up the next morning.

Though I'm sure it had happened gradually, something about the coldness seemed sudden to me, and my eyes snapped open.

Empty.

"Roxas?" I stood, looking around the room slowly and hoping beyond all hope that he was just in the 'comfort box.'

That's when I saw the letter on my desk.

 _Axel,_

 _I guess I never explained my existence to you, huh? I…_

 _No, that's not the right way to put it._

 _Remember Xemnas' theory about the dark side of people's hearts and all? It's true. I'm the dark side of Sora's heart. My name is an anagram: R-O-X-A-S…S-O-R-A-X. The X is because he's been asleep for ten years._

 _See, your mom is your guardian angel. She's been listening to you pray all this time…Sora was supposed to die in that crash, Axel. Or…well, a few hours later in the hospital. But you and Riku prayed so hard…your mom was able to curtail it. Prayers make angels stronger, you see. It gives them more power over stuff like this._

 _Even though your mom could stop him from dying, she couldn't do much more than that. So…he slept. His body healed, and his mind healed. But his heart…didn't heal. The crash woke_   
_  
me   
_   
_up. And as long as I'm awake…Sora can't be complete. So he continues to sleep._

 _I was trapped inside him, though. I was conscious, and I heard everything. Well…no, not exactly. I always ignored_   
_  
you   
_   
_. I heard Kairi and Riku, though. I guess that's why I was expecting you to be such a horrible person._

 _And then…and then your mom was finally able to find a way to wake him up. I guess_   
_  
you   
_   
_had to be helped in order to help him. I was always a little fuzzy on that part. Either way, she was able to release me, and sent me to the first and closest soulless body she could find…Cricket. And she sent me to you._

 _I don't know if she meant for me to fall in love with you. Maybe that's what this was all about—I had to love you enough to give up everything for you…just like you would for your brother. I had to be at peace with everything before I could return to Sora._

 _But I didn't…I didn't_   
_  
want   
_   
_to go back, Axel. I had just been freed only to find that the sole reason for that was so I could go back to where I was and wake Sora up? And I didn't want to bring you any peace of mind, or whatever I was supposed to do, either. I didn't_   
_  
want   
_   
_to love you. And then, when I realized I did…I didn't want to leave you._

 _But I…I want you to be happy. And since I'm the one that's stopping that from happening…I'll become one with Sora again._

 _Naminé says I might be able to come back. She did—she was once the dark side of Kairi's heart, you see—but…I don't think I'll be able to come back. I'm not even sure if I_   
_  
**want**   
_   
_to come back. If I come back, it will be as a child. And I…what's the point of existing if I can't be with you?_

 _I'm sorry, Axel. I know you just promised we would be together someday, but…we can't, you see? It's the one promise you'll never be able to keep. At least it's being broken so you can keep your promise to your brother, right?_

 _I'll love you forever._

 _-Roxas_

The hand holding the letter was shaking when I finished, while the other reached up to cover my mouth. I felt like I should be crying, but my eyes were so dry they stung, and even that didn't bring any tears to my eyes.

"Axel!" Riku burst into my room.

I jerked forward, shoving the letter in my desk split seconds before he threw his arms around me.

"R-Riku?"

"The hospital just called—he's awake, Axel! Sora's awake!" He said, exuberant.

My whole body was trembling, now, but the tears still wouldn't come. "I know."

"Yeah, you were right!" His embrace tightened. "Thanks for not letting me give up hope, big bro." And then he was out of the room again, yelling for me to hurry up.

I just stood there for a moment, wondering vaguely how sick it was that I didn't feel excited about Sora's awakening…or how this was the first time in ten years that Riku had sounded happy when I was near.

Eventually, though, I got dressed and left my room, allowing Riku to pull me all the way to the hospital with Pops following close behind. I smiled and kept up, but I didn't speak. The whole thing felt like it was someone else doing all of this.

I wondered caustically if it was the person inhabiting the dark side of my heart.

"Sora? Sora!" Riku threw his arms around the weak boy in the bed, ignoring the gasps of the other inhabitants of the room.

"I'm sorry, but there are too many people in here." Tifa grabbed my arm. "You'll have to wait outside until someone leaves."

"No."

We all looked in the direction of the croaking, but deep voice that had spoken.

Sora, grasped one of Riku's hands in his, reaching toward me with the other.

"Axel…thank you." He said hoarsely.

"Why are you thanking him, son?" Tidus asked with a slight frown. Even though he had forgiven me, I guess he didn't expect _Sora_ to have done the same. I sure as hell didn't.

"I don't know." Sora said, eyebrows furrowing together in a painfully familiar way.

He and Roxas looked far too much alike.

"But I feel like I should be thanking him."

My fake smile dropped, and I think even Riku gasped at the tortured grimace on my face.

"Don't thank me, Sora." I whispered. "Don't thank me for anything."

"Axel, are you alright?" Pops asked, putting a hand on my shoulder.

I shrugged. "It doesn't matter." I smiled, somehow. "The sun's finally come out from behind the moon…Riku can be happy again. So I…I'm fine."

No one tried to stop me when I turned and ran from the room.

PAGEBREAKPAGEBREAKPAGEBREAK

I spent the next couple of weeks…

Breathing, I guess.

I don't really have any memory of the next three months beyond the fact that I lived them. I think I worked, and I'm pretty sure a lot of people tried to snap me out of it—especially Riku and Sora, who had become even more inseparable than before the accident—but everything is fuzzy.

The next real memory I have is of a session with Zexion.

"Axel, you look terrible." He was saying, I think. My mind was so foggy he could have said anything. "You've hardly spoken to anyone since Sora woke up. I'm concerned…Riku and Reno are scared to death…Axel, what happened to you? Even when you were at your worst after the accident you at least _tried_ to act like nothing was wrong. Are you upset that Sora is awake?"

I think it was that last sentence that really got through.

"I…don't know." I said.

"Why would you be upset that he's awake? You always used to say that if he would just wake up, you could go back to normal. You could be happy again. But Axel…you're fading away."

I didn't say anything.

"Axel, talk to me. Please. I'm asking as your friend, now."

"…Roxas is gone."

He frowned. "Who's Roxas?"

I blinked up at him. "Who…he was at my party, remember? Blonde hair, blue eyes? Sora's cousin?"

"Axel, I've never met anyone named Roxas." He said. "And Sora doesn't have any cousins by that name, either."

I stared at him, not comprehending what he was saying.

"Axel…were you having hallucinations?"

"No, I wasn't having hallucinations!" I snapped. Then I drooped forward, burying my face in my hands. "Never mind. Maybe I was. I don't know, anymore. Everything's all wrong."

"How so?"

"If I knew that, maybe I could fix it. But I can't. Sora's awake, and Riku's finally happy again, and I _know_ I should be happy, too, but…" I shook my head. "I feel like I'm dead, but my body's still moving."

"Do you wish you were dead?"

I shrugged. "I dunno."

He sighed, standing. "Time's up." He said.

I nodded and stood, following him to the door.

He put a hand on my shoulder.

"Axel…please don't start hurting yourself again."

I blinked at him.

" _You made yourself hurt? You won't do it anymore, will you? You promise you'll never do it again? Please?"_

Suddenly, everything that had happened slammed into me. A strangled sound tore out of my throat, and I collapsed to the floor, hardly hearing Zexion's worried questions.

"Call Reno! Now!"

" _You help me and I'll help you."_

I started crying harder, wrapping my arms around myself and rocking back and forth, feeling someone's arms wrap around me.

" _What's the point of existing if I can't be with you?"_

"Stop crying, Axel. You're fine, son. You're going to be fine."

" _I'll love you forever."_

Nothing was fine. Nothing would ever be fine again.

ENDFINALCHAPTER


	18. Epilogue: I'll Love You Forever

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **By** : Ellipsis the Great

It's January 9th, 2009 If This Cat Could Talk…

 **By** : Ellipsis the Great

 **DISCLAIMER:** Kingdom Hearts and everything affiliated with it belongs to SquareEnix and Disney. All I own is the plot…

 **Summary:** Axel's therapist suggests that he get a cat to help him get over an accident involving his little brother's best friend. It doesn't take him long to realize that strange things are afoot, however…

 **Rated:** T just in case.

 **Spoilers:** None that I know of…

 **Warnings:** CHARACTER DEATH!

EPILOGUE: I'll Love You Forever

It's January 9th, 2009. Exactly one year from the day I woke up, and apparently one year since Axel started wasting away. For three months after I woke up, he seemed to try to keep living—he went to work…ate…slept…but then, after his breakdown in Zexion's office, he just…gave up. He's in the hospital now, hooked up to all sorts of machines. I don't think even the doctors know what half of them are for, except that they're supposed to help keep him alive.

Even though I love him—and I do love him, because he's Riku's brother and I've always felt like he saved me from my coma, somehow—part of me wishes they would just let him die. He doesn't _want_ to be alive anymore. Pulling the plug would be…a mercy killing, I think.

But there's a reason they haven't done it, yet. A reason he hasn't let them.

My mom was pregnant.

I say 'was' because she had the baby today, early this morning. Her pregnancy was the strangest thing, too—mostly because Axel's the one who told her she was going to have a baby. He just looked at her one day—a few days after his breakdown, actually—and his eyes filled with tears and he said:

"Yuna…you're going to have a beautiful baby boy."

And then, two months after that, we found out that she was pregnant.

So today we're welcoming a new little boy into the family. He's so tiny! He hasn't opened his eyes just yet, but I'm sure they'll be blue. All of the men in my family have blue eyes.

Axel's holding him right now. Mom insisted on it, and Dr. Weiss said it would be alright.

"What's his name?" Axel asks without looking up.

"Roxas." I say. "Mom wanted to name him after the boy you talk about."

He smiles softly, even though there are tears in his eyes again. "He's so beautiful." He whispers. "He'll have blue eyes—like yours, Sora, but clearer. And even blonder hair than his dad. It'll spike up on one side, like an extreme cowlick. Oh, he'll be so beautiful."

"Axel…" I say. He gets like this, sometimes. Like he's…omniscient, when it comes to this baby. It's kind of creepy.

Then the whole room gets quiet, because Roxas' eyes are fluttering open.

And they're the most brilliant blue I've ever seen.

"Hey there, Roxie." Axel says, his smile widening as Roxas gurgles and reaches up at him. "It's so nice to see you again. It's…it's so nice."

"Axel, you've never seen him before." Kairi says, standing to one side with her fiancé. He's a rather strange character, especially for a cop, but he saved her from an attack by some guy name Xehanort who was trying to kidnap her—for the second time, if stories are true. He's nice, though, and he's good for her.

"He's Roxas." He replies with a shrug. "I know him."

"Axel…" She begins.

Axel just sighs happily and leans back into his bed, carefully freeing one hand and brushing his fingers against Roxas' cheek. "I really did love you, Roxie. I really…really…did…" His eyes drift closed. With one last sigh, the EKG machine at his side flat lines, letting out a steady, foreboding buzz.

Roxas lets out a sharp, forlorn wail, as if he's been physically hurt.

"Axel!" Reno yells as Dad takes Roxas out of Axel's arms.

"Axel? Axel, no!" I say, choking back my own cries.

"Doctor!" Riku exclaims, running out of the room. "Dr. Weiss! Anyone! We need a doctor!"

Dr. Weiss comes running in, shouting orders at Tifa, but I think we all know it's too late. They use the defibrillator and shock him once—twice—three times—but it's no use.

Axel is wearing the most peaceful expression I've ever seen on his face as Dr. Weiss pulls the sheet up over his head and announces what we already know.

"He's gone. I'm sorry."

Two Years Later

It's February 21st, 2011. Kairi's baby was born a week ago, and today Riku and I are taking Roxas to see him. You would think he knows what's going on, because he's been antsy and surprisingly well behaved all week. Right now he's sitting in his car seat, kicking his legs and humming some nonsense tune that he probably heard off the television.

"Are you excited to meet your new cousin?" Riku asks, looking back at him. It's a good thing I'm the one driving.

"'S not m' cousin, Unca Riku!" Roxas giggles in that slurred toddler's voice of his. "'S Axe'!"

I can feel Riku give me a questioning look, which I return briefly before putting my eyes back on the road. We hadn't told Roxas what Kairi and Hayner had named the baby, and we very rarely spoke of Riku's older brother. It was…it still hurt that he was gone.

"Where did you hear that name, Roxas?" He asks.

I can see Roxas shrug in the rearview mirror. "'S his name."

"Well…are you excited to meet him?"

"'M very 'cited, Unca Riku!" He chirps happily. "We's there yet?"

"Yep, we're here!" I say as I pull into the hospital parking lot. "Let's go!"

Roxas lets out a delighted squeal, bouncing impatiently as he waits for Riku to get him out of his car seat. We have to grab his hands to keep him from taking off across the parking lot, but he just pulls us along as if we're the toddlers instead of him.

"C'mon, c'mon!" He says, tugging restlessly at our hands.

"Slow down, kiddo." I say. "We don't even know where in the hospital he is, yet."

"You're looking for Kairi?" Aerith asks as we approach the desk.

"Nope!" Roxas says. "We's lookin' for Axe'!"

"Well, he's with his mother right now." Aerith says, hiding a laugh behind her hand. "They're on the third floor in the maternity ward, room 217."

"Okay!" Roxas says. "C'mon, Bruvva! C'mon, Unca Riku!"

"See you!" I call over my shoulder just before Roxas pulls us around the corner and out of sight, foregoing the infamously slow elevators in favor of the stairs. He goes up the stairs surprisingly fast for someone who's usually too scared to go near them alone (he fell down a set once and hasn't quite gotten over it yet).

"Where's he at?" He demands when we reach the third floor.

"Here, Roxas." Riku says, leading the way to room 217.

"Axe'!" Roxas calls ecstatically as he sees Kairi holding a baby— _the_ baby—in her bed.

"I thought I told you not to tell him?" Kairi asks, pretending to be annoyed. "I wanted to be the one to tell!"

"We didn't, Kairi, I swear." Riku says. "He just _knew_."

"A likely story." She says, rolling her eyes.

"Unca Riku and Bruvva din't tell me, Unca Hayna." Roxas says. "He's m' Axe'."

"He is, is he?" Kairi giggles. "Well, would you like to hold him?"

Roxas nods so quickly that it almost looks like his head will fall off.

"Alright, sit down here." Riku says, pointing at the rocking chair a few inches away from the bed as he takes the baby from Kairi.

Roxas sits cross-legged in the chair, holding his arms out eagerly.

"Here you go." Riku says, handing the baby to him carefully. "Mind his head, okay?"

Roxas nods, not looking away from baby Axel's face. An expression of pure happiness is on his face, and for some reason it reminds me of the look on Axel's face when he held Roxas.

"Hey, Axe'." He whispers when Axel opens his eyes—a vivid green that he must have inherited from a distant relative of Kairi or her husband's, since all of their immediate family has blue or brown eyes. "'S 'bout time you get here."

Axel burbles at him, reaching up and grabbing at his face. Roxas smiles and eases one hand out from under the baby, letting him settle in the crook of his crossed legs. He holds his hand up, his smile widening as Axel curls a fist around one of his fingers.

"'M gon' take good care o' you, Axe'." He says, grinning. "You he'p me an' I he'p you, got it mem'rized?"

Riku gasps, grabbing my hand. None of us has ever told Roxas about Axel's 'catchphrase.'

Roxas doesn't seem to notice our shock and discomfort—well, that or he's choosing to ignore it—as he begins rocking back and forth until Axel falls asleep.

"I' wuv you f'reva, Axe'." Roxas whispers, kissing Axel's forehead with a tenderness I've never seen in a child.

As I watch them, I get the feeling that I've been waiting for this to happen for as long as I can remember, and I can finally rest easy.

And if Axel sometimes acts (and looks) a little too much like his namesake…if Roxas is sometimes a little too overprotective of him…if they sometimes seem a little too close for children to possibly be…

Well, that's a different story entirely.

THE END


End file.
